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Read all jokes from:Bar (+1637)
As a drunk guy staggers out of the bar one Friday evening, a fire engine races past, siren wailing and lights flashing. Immediately, the drunk starts chasing the engine, running as fast as he can until eventually he collapses, gasping for breath. In a last act of desperation he shouts after the fire engine,
Read all jokes from:Bar (+1637)
There are two pieces of tarmac sitting by the side of the bar, and they are having a drinking contest, to see which one is the hardest. After 12 shots of vodka, both pieces of tarmac are still unphased, when suddenly the door opens and a red piece of tarmac walks in. On seeing the red piece of tarmac, one piece of tarmac runs straight for the toilets. An hour later, he ventures out and discovers that the red piece of tarmac has left. The other piece of tarmac asks him why he ran off. He replies “Haven’t you heard about him? He’s a cycle-path!”
Read all jokes from:Bar (+1637)
A Texan, a New Yorker, and a New Jersey resident were drinking their favorite beverage in a bar. The Texan drained his glass of tequila, threw the half-full bottle up in the air, drew and fired his pistol, shattering the bottle. The other two were shocked at his ruining perfectly good tequila. The Texan, however, simply drew himself up and announced: “Where I come from, we have plenty of tequila.” The New Yorker, not to be outdone, drained his glass of wine, threw the half-full wine bottle into the air, drew and fired his pistol, also shattering his bottle. Looking over at the other two with an air of superiority characteristic of New Yorkers, he announced, “Where I come from, we have plenty of fine wine and the best of everything!” The New Jersey resident drained his bottle of Yuengling Lager, threw it up in the air, drew his pistol and shot the New Yorker dead. He then caught the bottle on the way down and showed it to the Texan: “Where I come from,” he said slowly, “we recycle bottles AND we have too many fucking NewYorkers.”
Read all jokes from:Bar (+1637)
This guy does into a bar and says, “Hey barman, give me 6 double vodka’s!” The barman lines them up on the bar and goes, “Man, you must’ve had one hell of a day!” The guy says, “Yeah, I just found out my older brother is gay.” Next day, the same guy comes into the same bar and orders the same drinks. The same barman is there and goes, “Now what?” The guy goes, “I just found out my younger brother is gay, too.” Next day, same guy, same bar, same drinks. The barman goes,”Damn! Doesn’t anybody in your family like women?” The man replies, “Yeah, my wife!”
Read all jokes from:Bar (+1637)
A man walks into a bar and orders a 12-year-old scotch. The bartender, believing that the customer will not be able to tell the difference, pours him a shot of the cheap 3-year-old house scotch that has been poured into an empty bottle of the good stuff. The man takes a sip and spits the scotch out on the bar and reams the bartender. “This is the cheapest 3-year-old scotch you can buy. I’m not paying for it. Now, give me a good 12-year-old scotch.” The bartender, now feeling a bit of a challenge, pours him a scotch of much better quality, 6-year-old scotch. The man takes a sip and spits it out on the bar. “This is only 6-year-old scotch. I won’t pay for this, and I insist on, a good, 12-year-old scotch.” The bartender finally relents and serves the man his best quality, 12-year-old scotch. An old drunk from the end of the bar, who has witnessed the entire episode, walks down to the finicky scotch drinker and sets a glass down in front of him and asks, “What do you think of this?” The scotch expert takes a sip, and in disgust, violently spits out the liquid yelling “Why, this tastes like piss,” The old drunk replies, “That’s right, now tell me how old I am.”
Read all jokes from:Bar (+1637)
Two cartons of yogurt walk into a bar. The bartender, who was a tub of cottage cheese, says to them, “We don’t serve your kind in here.” One of the yogurt cartons says back to him, “Why not? We’re cultured individuals.”
Read all jokes from:Bar (+1637)
After spending a happy evening drinking together, two acquaintances promise to meet again in ten years at the same bar, same time. Ten years later, the first guy walks in, looks around, and sure enough, there is his friend on a bar stool. He clasps the old friend’s hand and cries, “The day we left, I didn’t think I’d really see you here!” The friend looks up, stares, sways slightly and asks, “Who left?”
Read all jokes from:Bar (+1637)
Things that are difficult to say when you’re drunk… a) Innovative Things that are VERY difficult to say when you’re drunk… a) Specificity Things that are ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE to say when you’re drunk… a) Thanks, but I don’t want to sleep with you.
Read all jokes from:Bar (+1637)
A young man walks into a singles bar with a roll of quarters taped inside the crotch of his jeans. He looks around, then sits next to the most attractive woman there. He was very pleased with himself after he noticed her constantly glancing down at his crotch. “Hi, there, I’m Jerry,” he said, as he went into one of his well rehearsed routines, “and I help produce a T.V. quiz show. Is there any question I can answer for you?” “As a matter of fact there is,” she said as she glanced down once more toward his embellished jeans. “Do you have change for a dollar?”
Read all jokes from:Bar (+1637)
A drunk man who smelled like booze sat down outside a bar on the street curb. A police officer watched him closely. The man’s tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the police and asked, “Hey, Mr. Policeman, what causes arthritis?” The policeman responded, “It’s caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man.” “Well, I’ll be darn,” the drunk said, returning to his paper. The police officer, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man with his night stick and apologized. “I’m very sorry. I didn’t mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?” “I don’t have it, Mr. Policeman. I was just reading here that the chief of police does”.
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