Three old ladies are walking down the street. They are hard of hearing.
One: “Whew, it’s windy today!”
Two: “No. Today’s Thursday!”
Three: “So am I! Let’s go to a bar!
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Read all jokes from:Bar (+1637)
Three old ladies are walking down the street. They are hard of hearing. One: “Whew, it’s windy today!” Two: “No. Today’s Thursday!” Three: “So am I! Let’s go to a bar!
Read all jokes from:Bar (+1637)
A local bar regular had been drinking all night. This particular night the regular drank a little more than usual. The bartender finally says that the bar is closing. So the regular stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He tries to stand one more time, same result. He figures he’ll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. So he decides to crawl the 3 blocks to his home and when he arrives at the door, he stands up and falls flat on his face. He crawls through the door into his bedroom. When he reaches his bed, he tries one more time to stand up. This time he manages to pull himself upright but he quickly falls right into bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow. He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting loudly. “So, you’ve been out drinking again!” “What makes you say that?” He asks as he puts on an innocent look. “The bar called, you left your wheelchair there again.”
Read all jokes from:Bar (+1637)
Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, “It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.”
Read all jokes from:Bar (+1637)
Stage 1 – SMART Stage 2 – GOOD LOOKING Stage 3 – RICH Stage 4 – BULLET PROOF Stage 5 – INVISIBLE
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A man comes in to the room and says to his wife, “I’m going to the pub. Get your coat on.” The wife, overjoyed that he has included her in his activity replies, “Does that mean that you are taking me with you, darling?” The husband replies, “No – I’m turning the heating off.”
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Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points to the guy in the middle, shouting, “Your Mom’s the best lay in town!” Everyone expects a fight but the guy ignores him and the drunk wanders up to the end of the bar. Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points to the same guy, and says, “I just screwed your mom and it was really sw-e-et!” Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk wanders off. Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, “Your mom even let me….” Finally the guy interrupts, “Go home, Dad—you’re drunk again!”
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One night, this guy come into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. Then he asks for another. After a couple more drinks, the bartender gets worried. “What’s the matter?” the bartender asks. “My wife and I got into a fight,” explained the guy “and now she isn’t talking to me for a whole 31 days.” The bartender thought about this for a while. “But, isn’t it a good thing that she isn’t talking to you?” asked the bartender. “Yeah, except today is the last night.”
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Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on. It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal. “I’ll bet you $10 he’ll jump,” said the first guy. “Bet you $10 he won’t,” said the second guy. Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge. The second guy hands the first guy the money. “I can’t take your money,” said the first guy. “I cheated you. The same story was on the five o’clock news.” “No, no. Take it,” said the second guy. “I saw the five o’clock news too. I just didn’t think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!”
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There’s three dogs, a Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog all sat in a bar having a quiet drink when a great-looking female Collie strolls in. She comes up to them and says, “Whoever can say liver and cheese in a single sentence can have their way with me.” Quickly, the Doberman says, “I love liver and cheese.” The Collie replies, “That’s not good enough.” The Bulldog says, “I hate liver and cheese.” She laughs and says, “That’s not creative enough.” Finally, the Chihuahua says, “Liver alone … cheese mine.”
Read all jokes from:Bar (+1637)
A drunk man who smelled like booze sat down outside a bar on the street curb. A police officer watched him closely. The man’s tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the police and asked, “Hey, Mr. Policeman, what causes arthritis?” The policeman responded, “It’s caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man.” “Well, I’ll be darn,” the drunk said, returning to his paper. The police officer, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man with his night stick and apologized. “I’m very sorry. I didn’t mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?” “I don’t have it, Mr. Policeman. I was just reading here that the chief of police does”.
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