Read all jokes from: Rabbit (+29)
One day, while a squirrel was sitting in his tree, he saw a rabbit hopping towards him down the path, and as he came, he was repeating, “I’m a pig, I’m a pig, I’m a pig.”
So the squirrel decided to go down and see what the heck was going on with this rabbit. So he went to the bottom of the tree and when the rabbit came near, he stepped out and stopped him.
“What’s going on?” he asked. “You’re not a pig, you’re a rabbit. See, you got long ears, a little button nose and a fluffy cotton tail.”
The rabbit looked at the squirrel for a second before he grabbed him, had him up the ass, beat his head against the tree and came in his face and continued down the trail repeating, “I’m a pig, I’m a pig, I’m a pig.”
37 views |
|
|
 Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Rabbit (+29)
“Listen up!” Noah said with a demanding voice. “There will be NO sex on this trip. Not even the wetting of the tips of your penises. All of you males, take off your peckers and hand it to my sons. I will sit over there and write you a receipt. After we see land, you can get you peckers back.”
After about a week Mr. Rabbit stormed into his wife’s cage and was very excited.
“Quick!” he said. “Get on my shoulders and look out the window to see if there is any land out there!”
Mrs. Rabbit got onto his shoulders and looked out the window. “Sorry, no land yet.”
“Shit!” and out went Mr. Rabbit.
This went on every day until Mrs. Rabbit got fed up with him. “What is the matter with you? You know it will rain for forty days and nights. Only after the water has drained will we be able to see land. Why are you acting so excited every day?”
“Look!” said Mr. Rabbit with a sinister look on his face as he held out a piece of paper, “I GOT THE DONKEY’S RECEIPT!”
15 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Dog (+335), Rabbit (+29)
As you may know, the Albuquerque housing market is becoming as tight as the one in Denver. My friend Chuck, after searching for months, found the perfect place. Family neighborhood, garden/lawn, etc. The problem was, he has a dog, and the landlord specified “No dogs.”
Rather than go on searching, he decided to go stealth, and not tell the landlord about his dog (a golden retriever). All went well for months. Except for one thing: the family that lived downstairs had a rabbit that they kept in a cage in the garden area. One day, the father of the family walked into the garden to find the dog scratching at the cage, trying to get at the rabbit.
He immediately went to the landlord and complained. The landlord threatened to kick Chuck out. But Chuck, being quite persuasive and punctual with rent checks convinced the landlord to keep him and his dog. On the condition that that Chuck keep his dog out of the garden area. Months went by with no incidence. However, his girlfriend stayed home sick at his place one day. She, not knowing the garden rule, let the dog out.
Chuck came home and, to his dismay, found that the dog wasn’t in the house. He opened the back door, and there at the steps was his dog. Dead rabbit in mouth. Needless to say, Chuck panicked. Not wanting to face certain eviction(and possible jail time), he took matters into his own hands. He bathed the dead rabbit, blow- dried its hair (OK he was desperate) and carefully placed the rabbit back in the cage.
Natural causes, right? Nothing happened.
After an excruciating week, he finally approached his neighbor one morning on the way to work.
“How is everything?” asked Chuck.
“We’re moving” replied the man. “This is a sick neighborhood.”
“Why? What happened?” replied Chuck.
The neighbor replied: “Some sick bastard dug up our recently deceased rabbit, washed it, combed its hair, and put it back in its cage.”
14 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Animals (+5198), Professional (+1060), Rabbit (+29)
A man was driving along one day and he hit a rabbit. Feeling terrible he stopped and got out of the car to see if it was badly
hurt. To his dismay, the rabbit was dead. Unsure what to do, the man runs to the nearest building, which happens to be a salon.
He says to the hairdresser, “I’ve just hit and killed a rabbit in the middle of the road! What should I do?”
The hairstylist thinks a moment, then says “I think I have just the thing.” He grabs a few bottles from a shelf and runs out
to the rabbit. Opening the bottles, he poured the contents onto the rabbit. Miraculously, the rabbit jumps up, shakes itself,
looks around, then hops of. It went a few feet, then turned and waved, went a few more feet, then turned and waved again.
This odd behavior continued untill the rabbit was out of sight.
The man looked and the Hairdresser in amazement and says, “Wow! What did you do?”
“Oh,” the stylist responded,” I gave it a hair revitilisant with a wave!”
38 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Rabbit (+29)
Years ago while lying in my hammock and drinking JD from the bottle I noticed my dog dragging something under the fence. Upon inspection, to my dismay, I realized it was the next door neighbor’s 10 year old daughter’s rabbit.
For years I had watch her come home from school and head straight out to it’s cage, free it and play with it in The yard. I knew today would be no different and fearing for our dog, I had to think fast.
The rabbit was quite dirty, as if it had put up quite a struggle, so I washed it off with the hose, combed it with the Dog brush and blew it dry with the leaf blower. Upon finishing it’s grooming I hopped the fence and replaced back in it’s cage hoping it’s death would be written off as “natural causes.” Back to the hammock and my JD.
Within the hour the neighbor’s Volvo pulled in as usual and out popped the little girl, and as usual she headed straight for the cage. Only this time she stopped about six feet away and screamed: “DDDAAAADDDDDDDYYYYYYY!”
Her father, panic stricken, stood looking at the cage. Being the good neighbor that I am I rushed to fence and asked if there was anything I could do.
Her father less than calmly blurted, “What kind of sick individual would dig up a little girl’s dead rabbit and put it back in it’s cage?”
12 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Rabbit (+29)
Years ago while lying in my hammock and drinking JD from the bottle I noticed my dog dragging something under the fence. Upon inspection, to my dismay, I realized it was the next door neighbor’s 10 year old daughter’s rabbit.
For years I had watch her come home from school and head straight out to it’s cage, free it and play with it in the yard. I knew today would be no different and fearing for our dog, I had to think fast.
The rabbit was quite dirty, as if it had put up quite a struggle, so I washed it off with the hose, combed it with the Dog brush and blew it dry with the leaf blower. Upon finishing it’s grooming I hopped the fence and replaced back in it’s cage hoping it’s death would be written off as “natural causes.” Back to the hammock and my JD.
Within the hour the neighbor’s Volvo pulled in as usual and out popped the little girl, and as usual she headed straight for the cage. Only this time she stopped about six feet away and screamed: “DDDAAAADDDDDDDYYYYYYY!!!!”
Her father, panic stricken, stood looking at the cage. Being the good neighbor that I am I rushed to fence and asked if there was anything I could do.
Her father less than calmly blurted, “What kind of sick individual would dig up a little girl’s dead rabbit and put it back in it’s cage?”
35 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Animals (+5198), Professional (+1060), Rabbit (+29)
A man was driving along one day and he hit a rabbit. Feeling terrible he stopped and got out of the car to see if it was badly hurt. To his dismay, the rabbit was dead. Unsure what to do, the man runs to the nearest building, which happens to be a salon.
He says to the hairdresser, “I’ve just hit and killed a rabbit in the middle of the road! What should I do?”
The hairstylist thinks a Moment, then says “I think I have just the thing.” He grabs a few bottles from a shelf and runs out to the rabbit. Opening the bottles, he poured the contents onto the rabbit. Miraculously, the rabbit jumps up, shakes itself, looks around, then hops of. It went a few feet, then turned and waved, went a few more feet, then turned and waved again.
This odd behavior continued untill the rabbit was out of sight.
The man looked and the Hairdresser in amazement and says, “Wow! What did you do?”
“Oh,” the stylist responded,” I gave it a hair revitilisant with a wave!”
14 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Dog (+335), Rabbit (+29)
As you may know, the Albuquerque housing market is becoming as tight as the one in Denver. My friend Chuck, after searching for months, found the perfect place. Family neighborhood, garden/lawn, etc. The problem was, he has a dog, and the landlord specified “No dogs.”
Rather than go on searching, he decided to go stealth, and not tell the landlord about his dog (a golden retriever). All went well for months. Except for one thing: the family that lived downstairs had a rabbit that they kept in a cage in the garden area. One day, the father of the family walked into the garden to find the dog scratching at the cage, trying to get at the rabbit.
He immediately went to the landlord and complained. The landlord threatened to kick Chuck out. But Chuck, being quite persuasive and punctual with rent checks convinced the landlord to keep him and his dog. On the condition that that Chuck keep his dog out of the garden area. Months went by with no incidence. However, his girlfriend stayed home sick at his place one day. She, not knowing the garden rule, let the dog out.
Chuck came home and, to his dismay, found that the dog wasn’t in the house. He opened the back door, and there at the steps was his dog. Dead rabbit in mouth. Needless to say, Chuck panicked. Not wanting to face certain eviction(and possible jail time), he took matters into his own hands. He bathed the dead rabbit, blow- dried its hair (OK he was desperate) and carefully placed the rabbit back in the cage.
Natural causes, right? Nothing happened.
After an excruciating week, he finally approached his neighbor one morning on the way to work.
“How is everything?” asked Chuck.
“We’re moving” replied the man. “This is a sick neighborhood.”
“Why? What happened?” replied Chuck.
The neighbor replied: “Some sick bastard dug up our recently deceased rabbit, washed it, combed its hair, and put it back in its cage.”
9 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Rabbit (+29)
A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up. As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life. “Wow, this is great,” he thought.
It wasn’t long before he came to a hedge and, after squeezing under it he saw a wonderful sight- lots of other bunny rabbits, all free and nibbling at the lush grass.
“Hey,” he called. “I’m a rabbit from the laboratory and I’ve just escaped. Are you wild rabbits?”
“Yes. Come and join us,” they cried.
Our friend hopped over to them and started eating the grass. It tasted so good. “What else do you wild rabbits do?” he asked.
“Well,” one of them said. “You see that field there? It’s got carrots growing in it. We dig them up and eat them.”
This, he couldn’t resist and he spent the next hour eating the most succulent carrots. They were wonderful.
Later, he asked them again, “What else do you do?”
“You see that field there? It’s got lettuce growing in it. We eat them as well.”
The lettuce tasted just as good and he returned a while later completely full.
“Is there anything else you guys do?” he asked.
One of the other rabbits came a bit closer to him and spoke softly. “There’s one other thing you must try. You see those rabbits there,” he said, pointing to the far corner of the field. “They’re girls. We shag them. Go and try it.”
Well, our friend spent the rest of the morning screwing his little heart out until, completely worn out, he staggered back over to the guys.
“That was fantastic,” he panted.
“So are you going to live with us then?” one of them asked.
“I’m sorry, I had a great time but I can’t.”
The wild rabbits all stared at him, a bit surprised. “Why? We thought you liked it here.”
“I do,” our friend replied. “But I must get back to the laboratory. I’m dying for a cigarette.”
29 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Dog (+335), Rabbit (+29)
As you may know, the Albuquerque housing market is becoming as tight as the one in Denver. My friend Chuck, after searching for months, found the perfect place. Family neighborhood, garden/lawn, etc. The problem was, he has a dog, and the landlord specified “No dogs.”
Rather than go on searching, he decided to go stealth, and not tell the landlord about his dog (a golden retriever). All went well for months. Except for one thing: the family that lived downstairs had a rabbit that they kept in a cage in the garden area. One day, the father of the family walked into the garden to find the dog scratching at the cage, trying to get at the rabbit.
He immediately went to the landlord and complained. The landlord threatened to kick Chuck out. But Chuck, being quite persuasive and punctual with rent checks convinced the landlord to keep him and his dog. On the condition that that Chuck keep his dog out of the garden area. Months went by with no incidence. However, his girlfriend stayed home sick at his place one day. She, not knowing the garden rule, let the dog out.
Chuck came home and, to his dismay, found that the dog wasn’t in the house. He opened the back door, and there at the steps was his dog. Dead rabbit in mouth. Needless to say, Chuck panicked. Not wanting to face certain eviction(and possible jail time), he took matters into his own hands. He bathed the dead rabbit, blow-dried its hair (OK he was desperate) and carefully placed the rabbit back in the cage.
Natural causes, right? Nothing happened.
After an excruciating week, he finally approached his neighbor one morning on the way to work.
“How is everything?” asked Chuck.
“We’re moving” replied the man. “This is a sick neighborhood.”
“Why? What happened?” replied Chuck.
The neighbor replied: “Some sick bastard dug up our recently deceased rabbit, washed it, combed its hair, and put it back in its cage.”
40 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
|
