Read all jokes from:
Cat (+694),
Lists (+730)
* Dogs come when they’re called; Cats take a message and get back to you later.
* Cats don’t like being baptized.
* Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.
* A cat is always on the wrong side of the door.
* A cat will always sit on whatever you’re trying to read.
* A cat’s purr: The most effective stress medicine known.
* Cats are quite good at domesticating humans.
* Anything not nailed down is a cat toy.
* Cats know Mom’s black suede gloves are giant tarantulas that need to be killed.
* Cats must attack their human’s shoelaces when they are tying them.
* Cats must crawl into the dishwasher when it is full of clean dishes.
* It’s always darkest before you step on the cat.
* Cats must rub against your legs while you’re carrying two bags of grocieries.
* You’re not a real person until you’re ignored by a cat.
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Read all jokes from:
Animals (+5201)
Q: Why do birds fly South?
A: Because it’s too far to walk.
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Read all jokes from:
Cat (+694),
Dog (+335),
Lists (+730)
This is what should happen to ALL CATS..!
1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.
2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water and have both lids up.
3. Find the cat and soothe him while you carry him toward the bathroom.
4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. (You may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape.) The cat will self-agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from your toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.
CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his claws will be reaching out for anything they can find.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a Power “Wash” and “Rinse”, which I have found to be quite effective.
6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself.
Sincerely,
THE DOG
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Read all jokes from:
Animals (+5201)
One day there was a duck at the bar and he asked if he could get some bread and the bartender said he didn’t have any but the duck asked again and he said no got any bread.
NO.
Got any bread.
NOOOOOOOO!
Got bread.
Don’t you get it no spells no and if you don’t shut up i’ll nail your beak to the bar.
Got any nails.
No.
Got any bread.
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Read all jokes from:
Animals (+5201)
Q: Why didn’t the tourist in the Arctic get any sleep?
A: He plugged his electric blanket into the toaster by mistake – and kept popping out of bed all night!
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Read all jokes from:
Animals (+5201)
Q: What sits on the bottom of the cold Arctic Ocean and shakes?
A: A nervous wreck.
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Read all jokes from:
Animals (+5201)
Q: Why did the chicken lawyer cross the road?
A: To get to the car accident on the other side.
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Read all jokes from:
Animals (+5201)
A Duck walks into a bar.
Duck: You got any bread?
Barman: No, sorry, we don’t have any bread
[After a few minutes]
Duck: You got any bread?
Barman: Look, we don’t have any bread
[In a little while]
Duck: You got any bread?
Barman: We don’t have any F*****g bread!
[Some time later]
Duck: Got any bread?
Barman: If you ask me if I’ve got any
F*****g bread once more I’m gonna nail
your F*****g bill to this bar.
…..
…………
Duck: You got any nails?
Barman: NO!
Duck: You got any bread?
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Read all jokes from:
Animals (+5201)
Q: Do you know what you call a cow wearing hay?
A: Cow-moflage!
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Read all jokes from:
Animals (+5201)
A rooster is walking along one day when he comes to a riverbank with a big bag of cat food beside it. Uninterested in the bag, he looks over to the other side and sees a huge bag of chicken feed which instantly makes his mouth water. Beside the bag of feed is a small cat that is hungrily eyeing the cat food on his side.
The two look at each other and wonder what to do. The rooster says, “I know, if we run and jump high enough we should be able to make it to the other side.”
The cat responds, “Okay, let’s give it a try.”
The rooster heads back about 15 feet, makes a run for it and jumps as high as he can. He flaps his wings like crazy and just makes it to the the bag and starts devouring the chicken feed.
The cat, now more motivated than ever, heads back about 20 feet and makes a run for it. He jumps, and SPLASH! He lands right in the middle of the river.
The Moral of the Story: For every satisfied cock, there’s a wet pussy!
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