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Read all jokes from:Cat (+695)
Cats… * always do what they want, when they want. * rarely listen to you. * are totally unpredictable. * whine when they are not happy. * want to be alone when you want to play. * want to play when you want to be alone. * expect you to cater to their every whim. * leave hair everywhere. * drive you nuts. * want what you are eating. * want to help you read the paper.
Read all jokes from:Animals (+5200)
A mother mouse and a baby mouse are walking along, when all of a sudden, a cat attacks them. “See?” says the mother mouse to her baby. “Now do you see why it’s important to learn a foreign language?”
Read all jokes from:Animals (+5200), Bear (+406), Hunting (+66)
There’s this guy who shows up at a cabin where these hunters have gathered to hunt bear. Only he shows up without a gun. The other hunters are very curious. “How you gonna get a bear without a gun?” they ask. “Do you have a knife?” “No,” says the guy. “Do you have a club?” “No,” says the guy. “Don’t you worry. I’m gonna get myself a bear. Just wait right here and see.” The guy leaves the cabin and disappears into the hills for several hours. Eventually he happens upon a bear asleep in his den and he kicks the bear and gets it really angry. As the bear wakes up, he starts to chase after the guy, so the guy starts running back towards the cabin. Finally the hunters hear him running down the hill and yelling, “Open the cabin door! Open the door!” They open the door and the guy runs into the cabin and holds the door open behind him. To the terror of the other hunters, an angry bear follows close behind, running into the cabin, too. Then the guy slams the door shut, and says, “You skin that one. I’ll go get another.”
Read all jokes from:Animals (+5200)
A farmer goes to confession for the first time in twenty years and
Read all jokes from:Animals (+5200)
A Duck walks into a bar. Duck: You got any bread?
Read all jokes from:Bear (+406)
In Alaska, tourists are warned to wear tiny bells on their clothing when hiking in bear country. The bells alert the bears and warns away most of them. Tourists are also cautioned to watch the ground on the trail, paying particular attention to bear droppings in order to be alert for the presence of bears. One can tell a Grizzly bear dropping because it has tiny bells in it. THANK YOU
Read all jokes from:Animals (+5200)
There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle drinking from a river deep in the jungle. For no reason, the turtle reaches over and bites the elephant’s tail, really hard. Years and years later, the same elephant, now grown up, is by the same river, having a drink with his giraffe buddy, when the same turtle that bit him on the tail all those years ago wanders up to the river. The elephant rears back a leg and kicks the turtle as hard as he can, sending him flying way off into the jungle. “Why did you do that?” the giraffe asks. “When we both were babies, that turtle bit my tail for no reason,” the elephant replied. “Wow! You must have a good memory!” exclaimed the giraffe. “Yep!” said the elephant. “I’ve got Turtle-Recall.”
Read all jokes from:Dog (+334)
(To the tune of “Sleigh Ride”) jingle, tingle, jingle, tingle, jingle tingle, Just hear those dog tags jingling Oh it’s just like Iditarod Giddy- yup giddy- yup, giddy- yup let’s go The other dogs are out there now So grab that leash and hurry up
Read all jokes from:Bear (+406)
Q: What do polar bears like to eat for lunch?
Read all jokes from:Animals (+5200)
According to the Knight- Ridder News Service, the inscription on the metal bands used by the U.S. Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds has been changed. The bands used to bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated: Wash. Biol. Surv. until the agency received the following letter from an Arkansas camper: “Dear Sirs: While camping last week I shot one of your birds. I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag and I want to tell you, it was horrible.” The bands are now marked Fish and Wildlife Service.
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