Q: What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo?
A: An eskimew.
13 views |
 |
|
 |
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
 |
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Read all jokes from:Animals (+5198)
Q: What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo?
Read all jokes from:Animals (+5198)
BERLIN, Germany – In the northwest town of Luedenhausen, a family pet managed to endanger its family and save their lives all in one night. A black and white cat named Mimi was playing in the family kitchen when it accidentally switched on an electric oven, igniting a stack of papers. Fortunately, the clever feline was able to awaken the family by meowing loudly and pushing heavy objects on the floor. A police spokesman quoted, “Mimi saved the family. There would have been a major fire had she not raised the alarm.” Had it never been for Mimi… nothing would have happened.
Read all jokes from:Dog (+335)
(to the tune of “Let it Snow”) Oh the snow in The yard is yellow So the scooper sits rusting outside In the warmth of the summer sun While the piles sit there fertilizing
Read all jokes from:Animals (+5198)
Cat fitness really can be fun. However, it is important to start any fitness program only when you feel like it. Don’t let a few extra pounds intimidate you into becoming more active. The most important aspect of fitness is: when to start the program. The best time is at about 2 a.m. The house is quiet; there are no distractions. The warm-up is critical. Cats are experts at stretching, so this won’t be a problem. Start with a few wind sprints, full speed, toenails clicking on the tile or linoleum floors. A few low but loud growls will help you feel charged up.
Read all jokes from:Bear (+406)
Q. Where do polar bears keep their money?
Read all jokes from:Animals (+5198)
Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying He asked the store manager, “Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware “Yep, that’s him,” he replied. The stranger couldn’t help but be amused. “That certainly doesn’t look like “Because”, the owner replied, “before I posted that sign, people kept
Read all jokes from:Cat (+694), Lists (+729)
Miaow – Feed me. Meeow – Pet me. Mrooww – I love you. Miioo- oo- oo – I am in love and must meet my betrothed outside beneath the hedge. Don’t wait up. Mrow – I feel like making noise. Rrrow- mawww – Please, the time is come to tidy the cat box. Rrrow- miawww – I have remedied the cat box untidiness by shoveling the contents as far out of the box as was practical. Miaowmiaow – Play with me. Miaowmioaw – Have you noticed the shortage of available cat toys in this room? Mioawmioaw – Since I can find nothing better to play with, I shall see what happens when I sharpen my claws on this handy piece of furniture. Raowwwww – I think I shall now spend time licking the most private parts of my anatomy. Mrowwwww – (only heard in males) I am now recalling, with sorrow, that some of my private parts did not return with me from that visit to the vet. Roww- maww- roww – I am so glad to see that you have returned home with both arms full of groceries. I will now rub myself against your legs and attempt to trip you as you walk towards the kitchen. Mmeww – I believe I have heard a burglar. If you would like to go and beat him senseless, I shall be happy to keep your spot in the bed warm. Gakk- ak- ak – My digestive passages seem to have formed a hairball. Wherever could this have come from? I shall leave it here upon the carpeting. Mow – Snuggling is a good idea. Moww – Shedding is pretty good, too. Mowww! – I was enjoying snuggling and shedding in the warm clean laundry until you removed me so unkindly. Miaow! miaow! – I have discovered that, although one may be able to wedge his body through the gap behind the stove and into that little drawer filled with pots and pans, the reverse path is slightly more difficult to navigate. Mraakk! – Oh, small bird! Please come over here. Ssssroww! – I believe that I have found a woodchuck. I shall now act terribly brave. Mmmmmmm – If I sit in the sunshine for another week or so, I think I shall be satisfied.
Read all jokes from:Dog (+335), HR (+462)
Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs are. The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, and the fourth man was a Government Worker. To show off, the Engineer called to his dog. “T- Square, do your stuff.” T- Square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen, and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart. But the Accountant said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, “Slide Rule, do your stuff.” Slide Rule went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each. Everyone agreed that was very good. But the Chemist said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, “Measure, do your stuff.” Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that was astounding. The Government Worker called to his dog and said, “Coffee Break, do your stuff.” Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, pooped on the paper, assaulted the other three dogs, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Worker’s Compensation, and went home on sick leave.
Read all jokes from:Elephant (+69), Sex (+4816)
An elephant walks up to a naked guy and says, “How do you breathe out of that thing?”
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....