An elephant walks up to a naked guy and says, “How do you breathe out of that thing?”
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Read all jokes from:Animals (+5199)
An elephant walks up to a naked guy and says, “How do you breathe out of that thing?”
Read all jokes from:Animals (+5199)
There’s a guy with a Doberman Pinscher and a guy with a Chihuahua. They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the Doberman Pinscher puts on a pair of dark glasses, and he starts to walk in. The guy with the Chihuahua figures, “What the hell,” so he puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in.
Read all jokes from:Animals (+5199)
What are the five reasons for not wanting to be an egg ?
Read all jokes from:Animals (+5199)
A woman went to a podiatrist complaining that her feet always hurt.
Read all jokes from:Bear (+406)
Q: How do you keep a polar bear from charging?
Read all jokes from:Animals (+5199)
After many years of marriage, a husband has turned into a couch potato, became completely inattentive to his wife and sat guzzling beer and watching TV all day. The wife was dismayed because no matter what she did to attract the husband’s attention, he’d just shrug her off with some bored comment. This went on for many months and the wife was going crazy with boredom. Then one day at a pet store, the wife saw this big, ugly, snorting bird with a hairy chest, powerful hairy forearms, beady eyes and dribble running down the side of its mouth. The shopkeeper, observing her fascination with the bird, told her it was a special imported “Goony bird” and it had a very peculiar trait. To demonstrate, he exclaimed, “Goony bird! The table!” Immediately, the Goony bird flew off its perch and with single- minded fury attacked the table and smashed it into a hundred little pieces with its powerful forearms and claws! To demonstrate some more, the shopkeeper said, “Goony bird! The shelf!” Again the Goony bird turned to the shelf and demolished it in seconds. “Wow!” said the wife, “If this doesn’t attract my husband’s attention, nothing will!” So she bought the bird and took it home. When she entered the house, the husband was, as usual, sprawled on the sofa guzzling beer and watching the game. “Honey!” she exclaimed, “I’ve got a surprise for you! A Goony bird!” The husband, in his usual bored tone replied, “Goony Bird, my foot!”
Read all jokes from:Cat (+695), Lists (+730)
* Always lick after meals! * Learn the difference between idleness and repose – one wastes time the other luxuriates in it. * The three great lies of Life are: 1. The cheque is in the post. * Long naps never go out of fashion. * Just say no to catnip! * Let sleeping dogs lie – literally! * Get your booster shots every year. * Get to know every view from every window in your home. * Begin each day with a long hard stretch. * Treat yourself to a nap in the sock drawer once in a while. * Own nothing and be owned by no one. * Never be discouraged by the words No, Stop That or Bad Cat. * Never purr half- heartedly. * Don’t worry about little things. * Don’t worry about big things. * See how long that toilet paper around the roll really is. * Miaow and the world Miaows with you, hiss and you hiss alone. * Keep everybody’s secrets. * Make friends with the milkman. * Play and sleep in cardboard boxes. * Help with making the bed. * Help with making dinner. * Regard all neatly stacked piles of paper as provocation. * Don’t cry over spilt milk – lap it up instead. * Make the world your scratching post. * Never sleep alone! and finally… * Become someone’s friend for life.
Read all jokes from:Dog (+335)
Why is it… that when you blow in your dog’s face, it gets mad – but when you take it for a ride in the truck, it sticks its head out the window?
Read all jokes from:Animals (+5199)
Two goldfish are in a tank.
Read all jokes from:Animals (+5199)
1. When no one else is looking, you swear that the monkeys are mocking you. 2. The Bears exhibit is nothing more than the guys cut from the football team during training camp. 3. The stripes on the zebra tend to peel away in the heat. 4. The Zookeeper always wants to take the Rhino for A walk. 5. The Lion in the lion cage closely resembles the one from The Lion King. 6. The alligator in the Reptiles exhibit is nothing more than the University of Florida’s Mascot. 7. If you deposit 50 cents, the giraffe will magically appear and talk to you. 8. Ask the Tour Guide too many questions and you’re suddenly dipped in some sort of sauce and placed in the Tigers den. 9. The Elephant appear to be two guys in a two part Elephant suit. 10. Two words: Hippo Dogs!
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