Read all jokes from: Business (+59), Elephant (+69), Hunting (+66)
Senior Manager Style
Senior managers set broad elephant hunting policy based on the assumption that elephants are just like field mice, but with deeper voices.
QA Style
Quality assurance inspectors ignore the elephants and look for mistakes the other hunters made when they were packing the Jeep.
Sales Style
Salespeople don’t hunt elephants but spend their time selling elephants they haven’t caught, for delivery two days before the season opens. Software salespeople ship the first thing they catch and write up an invoice for an elephant. Hardware salespeople catch rabbits, paint them gray and sell them as “desktop elephants.”
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Read all jokes from: Elephant (+69)
Tourist guide at ZOO:
“Ladies and gentlemen, this is the elephant, the largest animal to roam the lands. Every day the elephant eats 3 dozen bunches of bananas, 6 tons of hay, and 2000 pounds of assorted fruits. Madam, please don’t stand near the elephant’s backside… Madam, PLEASE don’t stand near the elephant’s backside … MADAM … MADAM …, too late; George, dig her out.”
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Read all jokes from: Elephant (+69), Sex (+4816)
An elephant was having a horrible time in the jungle because a horsefly kept biting near her tail and there was nothing she could do about it. It was far out of reach.
A sparrow saw this and killed the horsefly with its beak.
“Oh, thank you!” said the elephant.
“My, pleasure ma’am.” said the sparrow.
“Listen, Mr. Sparrow, if there’s anything I can ever do for you, don’t hesitate to ask.”
The sparrow said, “Well, all my life I wondered how it would feel to fuck an elephant.”
“Be my guest!”, said the elephant.
So the sparrow flew behind the elephant and started fucking. In the trees above, a monkey in the tree saw this and became very excited. He started to masturbate, shaking a coconut loose and it fell from the tree, hitting the elephant on the head.
“OUCH!”, said the elephant.
Then sparrow looked over from behind and said, “Am I hurting you, dear?”
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Read all jokes from: Elephant (+69)
Tourist guide at ZOO:
“Ladies and gentlemen, this is the elephant, the largest animal to roam the lands. Every day the elephant eats 3 dozen bunches of bananas, 6 tons of hay, and 2000 pounds of assorted fruits. Madam, please don’t stand near the elephant’s backside…. Madam, PLEASE don’t stand near the elephant’s backside … MADAM … MADAM …, too late; George, dig her out.”
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Read all jokes from: Elephant (+69), Hunting (+66), Medical (+1843)
This man goes into the doctor with his ringhole in a terrible state, really bad now.
Doctor: “What happened to you?”
He says: “I was in Africa on safari and I got raped by an elephant!”
Doctor: “But I don’t understand. Elephant penises are very narrow and couldn’t cause that much damage!”
He says “Aah but you see doctor, he fingered me first!”
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Read all jokes from: Elephant (+69)
An ant and an elephant share a night of romance. Next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead.
“Damn”, says the ant, “One night of passion and I spend the rest of my life digging a grave!”
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Read all jokes from: Elephant (+69), Little Johnny (+648)
Little Johnny is in class. The teacher is going through the alphabet, having each child think up a word that starts with a letter. They get to “W”, and the teacher figures Little Johnny can’t think up anything dirty with a “W” so she calls on him.
“Womb!”, Little Johnny says.
“That’s a good word, Johnny”, teacher says. “Is that as in where babies come from?” she asks.
“No”, says Johnny, “That’s the sound elephants make when they’re screwing… you know, “Womb! Womb! Womb!”
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Read all jokes from: Animals (+5201), Elephant (+69)
Go to an place where there are white elephants. Bring with you a muffin (with raisins). Climb a tree. When the white elephant is close, drop the muffin (with raisins) in front of it. The white elephant will be happy, and eat the muffin (with raisins). White elephants like muffins (with raisins). Repeat this procedure for five days in a row. After the fifth day, the white elephant will be used to its daily muffin (with rasins). The sixth day you climb the tree, bring with you a muffin without rasins. Drop the muffin as usual. When the white elephant finds out that the muffin lacks raisins, it will darken in anger.
And then you catch it the same way as an ordinary grey elephant.
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Read all jokes from: Animals (+5201), Elephant (+69)
A hyena is drinking at a watering hole one day when he sees an elephant come for a drink. Close to the water, the elephant stops short and inspects a turtle for a few seconds. Then the elephant rears back and kicks the turtle, making it fly the better part of a mile.
The hyena asks, “What did you do that for?”
“Well,” answers the elephant, “About 80 years ago that turtle bit my foot. Today I finally found that SOB and paid him back.”
“Eighty years! How in the name of heaven could you remember what that turtle looked like after that many years?”
The elephant replied, “I have turtle recall.”
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Read all jokes from: Animals (+5201), Elephant (+69)
There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle drinking from a river deep in the jungle. For no reason, the turtle reaches
over and bites the elephant’s tail, really hard.
Years and years later, the same elephant, now grown up, is by the same river, having a drink with his giraffe buddy, when the
same turtle that bit him on the tail all those years ago wanders up to the river. The elephant rears back a leg and kicks
the turtle as hard as he can, sending him flying way off into the jungle.
“Why did you do that?” the giraffe asks.
“When we both were babies, that turtle bit my tail for no reason,” the elephant replied.
“Wow! You must have a good memory!” exclaimed the giraffe.
“Yep!” said the elephant. “I’ve got Turtle-Recall.”
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