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Dog (+335)
Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! posted on the glass door. Inside he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register.
He asked the store manager, “Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?”
“Yep, that’s him,” he replied.
The stranger couldn’t help but be amused. “That certainly doesn’t look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?”
“Because”, the owner replied, “before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him.”
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Dog (+335)
A blind man walks into a drug store with his seeing eye dog. He takes the dogs leash & starts swinging it around & around his head.
The druggist says “May I help you?”
The blind man replies “No thank you, I’m just looking around.”
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Dog (+335)
A man takes his dog for a walk in the park. While he’s there, he runs in to his old friend. The two men stop to talk and the dog just plops right down and starts licking his balls.
The friend sees this and says, “Man, I sure wish I could do that.”
The dog owner says, “Go ahead, but pet him a little bit first.”
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Dog (+335)
Did you hear Lassie had a son with a Rottweiler?
It rips off your arm, then runs for help.
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Dog (+335)
A girl sees three dogs in the park and kneels down to pet them.
“What’s your name?” she asks the first.
To her surprise, the dog answers “My name’s Huey and I’m having a great day going in and out of puddles.”
She goes up to the second dog and asks “What’s your name?”
The dog replies “My name’s Duey and I’m having a great day going in and out of puddles.”
She turns to the third dog and says “I suppose you’re going to tell me your names Luey and you’re having a great day going in and out of puddles.”
The dog replies “No, I’m having a fucking miserable day and my name is Puddles.”
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Dog (+335)
A man takes his sick dog to the vet. The vet lifts the dog onto the the operating table, looks down and says “Say ahhhhhhhhhhh!”
The man looks at the vet and says “The dog can’t speak”.
The vet says to the man “I was talking to YOU. The dog’s dead!”
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Dog (+335)
Did you hear about the Blind man that went Bunjee jumping?
Scared the hell out of the dog.
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Dog (+335)
A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation.
He wrote, “I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?”
An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, “I’ve been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I’ve never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I’ve never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I’ve never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you’re welcome to stay here, too.”
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Dog (+335)
What we say to sled dogs: “Mush! Hike! Gee! Haw!”
What they hear: “Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah!”
First sled dog in heaven: “For fourteen years I survived storms, fights with polar bears and wolves, falls into crevasses, plunges through the ice into the icy ocean…”
Second sled dog in heaven: “How did you get here?”
First sled dog in heaven: “When I was sleeping, my stupid owner ran over me with his snowmobile!”
Patient: “Doctor! I keep thinking I’m a sled dog!”
Doctor: “How long has this been going on?”
Patient: “Even since I was a pup.”
Sled Dog Tip: You can’t trust your dog to watch your lunch.
Why is it… that when you blow in your dog’s face, it gets mad – but when you take it for a ride in the truck, it sticks its head out the window?
The Final Word: “The more people I meet, the more I like my sled dogs.”
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Dog (+335)
While waiting for a bus, the blind man’s dog decided to tinkle all over the blind man’s legs.
A passerby commented to the blind man, “What! That dog just relieved himself all over your legs, and you are petting him?! Are you crazy?”
To which the blind man replied, “Madam, I am not petting him, I am feeling for his bottom, so I can kick him.”
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