Read all jokes from: Dog (+335)
A man went to visit his 90 year old grandfather and while eating the breakfast of eggs and bacon prepared for him, he noticed a film- like substance on his plate. So he says, “Grandfather, are these plates clean?”
His grandfather replies, “Those plates are as clean as Coldwater can get them, so go on and finish your meal”.
That afternoon, while eating the hamburgers his grandfather made for lunch, he noticed many little black specks around the edge of his plate, so again he asked, “Grandfather are you sure these plates are clean?”
Without looking up from his burger, the grandfather says, “I told you those dishes are as clean as Coldwater can get them, now don’t ask me about it anymore”.
Well, later that day, they were on their way out to get dinner. As he was leaving the house, grandfather’s dog who was lying on the floor started to growl and would not let him pass. “Grandfather, your dog won’t let me out”.
Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching, his grandfather shouted, “Coldwater, get your butt out of the way!”
20 views |
|
|
 Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Dog (+335)
Video Helps Soothe Owners’ Guilt
ORLANDO, Florida – Two marketing professionals in Florida were filled with anxiety every time they left for work in the morning. Their anxiety was caused by extreme guilt over leaving their two beloved dogs, Max and Brie, home alone all day.
To help the daily transition, the two produced a video called “Comfort for Dogs” available for sale on the Internet. The video is supposed to help relax and calm the dogs as their owners leave the house and features soothing music.
The video footage is designed to distract the dogs so they don’t miss their owners as much. According to veterinarian Jane Leon, the video will help reinforce the relationship between dog and owner.
33 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Dog (+335)
1. After your humans give you a bath, DON’T LET THEM TOWEL DRY YOU! Instead, run to their bed, jump up and dry yourself off on the sheets. This is especially good if it’s right before your human’s bedtime.
2. Act like a convicted criminal. When the humans come home, put your ears back, tail between your legs, chin down and act as if you have done something really bad. Then, watch as the humans frantically search the house for the damage they think you have caused. (Note: This only works when you have done absolutely nothing wrong.)
3. Let the humans teach you a brand new trick. Learn it perfectly. Then the humans try to demonstrate it to someone else, stare blankly back at the humans. Pretend you have no idea what they’re talking about.
4. Make your humans be patient. When you go outside to go ‘pee’, sniff around the entire yard as your humans wait. Act as if the spot you choose to go pee will ultimately decide the fate of the earth.
5. Draw attention to the human. When out for A walk always pick the busiest, most visible spot to go ‘poo’. Take your time and make sure everyone watches. This works particularly well if your humans have forgotten to bring a plastic bag.
6. When out for A walk, alternate between choking and coughing every time a strange human walks by.
7. Make your own rules. Don’t always bring back the stick when playing fetch with the humans. Make them go and chase it once in a while.
8. Hide from your humans. When your humans come home, don’t greet them at the door. Instead, hide from them, and make them think something terrible has happened to you. (Don’t reappear until one of your humans is panic- stricken and close to tears).
9. When your human calls you to come back in, always take your time. Walk as slowly as possible back to the door.
10. Wake up twenty minutes before the alarm clock is set to go off and make the humans take you out for your morning pee. As soon as you get back inside, fall asleep. (Humans can rarely fall back asleep after going outside, this will drive them nuts!)
30 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Dog (+335)
The dogs they had a meeting.
And they come from near and far.
Some came on bicycles,
And some of them came by car.
Y’know, before they could enter,
Or even take a look,
They had to take their asshole off,
And hang it on a hook.
But before they even got seated,
Every mother, pup, and sire,
An old dog hollered from the back,
“Run for your life. It’s a FIRE!”
The crowd of dogs began to panic,
And nobody stopped to look.
They grabbed the nearest asshole,
Off the very nearest hook.
And this is why, even today,
A dog will drop a nice juicy bone,
And go to smell another dog’s ass,
To see if it’s not his own.
42 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Dog (+335)
* Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joy ride.
* Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
* When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
* Let others know when they’ve invaded your territory.
* When it’s in your best interest, practice obedience.
* Take naps and stretch before rising.
* Run, romp and play daily.
* Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.
* Be loyal.
* Never pretend to be something you’re not.
* If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
* When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.
* Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
* Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
* On hot days, drink lots of water and lay under a shady tree.
* When you’re happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
* No matter how often you’re scolded, don’t buy into the guilt thing and pout… ..run right back and make friends.
* Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
15 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Dog (+335), Lists (+730)
* Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joy ride.
* Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
* When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
* Let others know when they’ve invaded your territory.
* When it’s in your best interest, practice obedience.
* Take naps and stretch before rising.
* Run, romp and play daily.
* Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.
* Be loyal.
* Never pretend to be something you’re not.
* If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
* When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.
* Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
* Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
* On hot days, drink lots of water and lay under a shady tree.
* When you’re happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
* No matter how often you’re scolded, don’t buy into the guilt thing and pout… ..run right back and make friends.
* Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
31 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Dog (+335), Genie (+60), Over the Hill (+599)
As an elderly lady sat on her front porch reflecting on her long life, a fairy godmother suddenly appeared and offered to fulfill three wishes for her.
“Well,” said the woman, “I guess I’d like to be rich.”
POOF!
The fairy godmother turned her rocking chair into solid gold.
“And I wouldn’t mind being a young and beautiful princess.”
POOF!
The fairy godmother turned the old woman into an exquisite young princess, with a priceless crown of jewels.
“Your third wish?” asked the fairy godmother.
The elderly woman’s dog raised his head and uttered a single, weak, hoarse “woof.”
“Could you possibly turn my wonderful dog into a handsome prince?”
POOF!
There, in front of the old woman, who has now turned into a beautiful princess, stood the most handsome young man any one had ever seen. More handsome than any one could possibly imagine. She stared at him in awe, completely smitten.
As he came toward her, her knees weakened. He bent down, brushing his lips across her ear as he whispered, “I’ll bet you’re sorry you had me neutered.”
62 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Dog (+335), Lists (+730)
1. He dries himself on your bed sheets after a bath.
2. He barks uproariously at doorbells on TV, but doesn’t make a sound when a stranger comes to your door.
3. He not only wants to sleep in bed with you but wants to share your pillow as well.
4. Or worse, he wants your pillow all to himself.
5. He barks in the middle of the night to let you know that he’s thirsty and you’ve left the commode lid down.
6. He is more attracted to your fishing lures than any fish ever were.
7. He loves to roll in the motor oil drip spot in your garage and then go straight to bed – your bed.
8. He confuses your $10 a roll Christmas wrapping paper with his potty papers.
9. He becomes romantically involved with the ankles of your dinner guests.
10. He thinks of your cat as a chew toy.
40 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Dog (+335)
A man running a little behind schedule arrives at a picture theatre, goes in to watch the movie that has already started, and as his eyes adjust to the darkness, he is surprised to see a dog sitting beside its master in the row ahead, intently watching the movie. It even seemed to be enjoying the movie: wagging its tail in the happy bits, drooping its ears at the sad bits, and hiding its eyes with its paws at the scary bits. After the movie, the man approaches the dogs owner,
“Jeez mate, your dog really seemed to enjoy the movie. I’m amazed!”
“Yes, I’m amazed also,” came the reply. “He hated the book.”
43 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
Read all jokes from: Dog (+335)
On preparing to return home from an out of town trip, this man got a small puppy as a present for his son.
Not having time to get the paper work to take the puppy onboard, the man just hid the pup down the front of his pants and snunk him onboard the airplane…
About 30 minutes into the trip a stew noticed the man shaking and quivering.
“Are you OK, sir?” asked the stew?
“Yes, I’m fine.” said the man.
Sometime later the stew noticed the man moaning, and shaking again..
“Are you sure you’re alright sir?”
“Yes.” said the man, “but I have a confession to make. I didn’t have time to get the paperwork to bring a puppy onboard, so I hid him down the front of my pants.”
“Whats wrong?” asked the stew, “Is he not house broken?”
“No, that’s not the problem. The problem is he’s not weaned yet!”
22 views |
|
|
Processing your request, Please wait....
|
|
