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Bear (+406)
It’s a sunny morning in the big forest and the Bear family is just waking up. Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty!
“Who’s been eating my porridge?!” he squeaks.
Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl. It is also empty!
“Who’s been eating my porridge?!” he roars.
Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and screams:
“For Heaven’s sake, how many times do we have to go through this? I haven’t even started making the damn the porridge yet!”
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Bear (+406)
There is a bear chasing a rabbit through the forest and they`re running and running and they stop because a genie appears. The genie says ” if you two stop fighting and chasing each other i`ll give you each three wishes”
They agree. The bear wishes first for the biggest “package” of all the bears in the whole forest.And His wish comes true. The rabbit then wishes for an unlimited supply of carrots. His wish is granted too. The bear`s second wish is that all the bears in the forest, except him, are female. Then the rabbit wishes for a motorcycle. The bear`s last wish is that all the bears fall madly in love with him. The rabbit`s final wish is that the bear becomes gay, and the rabbit jumps on His motorcycle and rides away.
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Bear (+406)
Q: How do you start a teddy bear race?
A: Ready, teddy, go!
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Bear (+406)
Q: How do you put a polar bear into a refrigerator?
A: It’s easy – just open the door and put the polar bear inside.
Q: How do you put a walrus into a refrigerator?
A: Just open the door, slide the polar bear over, stuff the walrus in, and close the door.
Q: How do you put a penguin into the refrigerator?
A: That’s silly, penguins don’t live in the Arctic. Besides, the refrigerator is already full.
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Bear (+406)
Q: What do you call a dream in which polar bears are attacking you?
A: A bitemare!
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Bear (+406)
Q: Why was the little bear so spoiled?
A: Because its mother panda’d to its every whim!
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Bear (+406)
Q: What did the polar bear cub say to its mother at mealtime?
A: “Aw, no! Not SEALS again!”
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Bear (+406)
A hunter spots a grizzly bear 1,000 yards away, but he can’t get any closer so he aims his rifle and pulls the trigger. He can see he’s hit the bear, so he sets off after it. When he finally catches up to the bear, the bear is clutching his shoulder and says, “Was it you who shot me?”
The hunter says, “Yes.”
The bear says, “You need to be taught a lesson.” The bear strips off the hunter’s clothes, bends him over, and has his way with him.
Several minutes later the hunter struggles to his feet, pulls himself together, and vows to find that bear. He searches through the woods, up hill and dale, and then he spots it 500 yards away, aims his rifle, pulls the trigger, and sets off after it. When he catches up to the bear, the bear says, “Did you shoot me again?”
The hunter, trembling, says, “Yes.”
The bear says, “Well, maybe this’ll teach you,” whereupon it grabs up the hunter, rips off his already tattered clothing, throws him violently to the ground, and really rips him a new one.
The hunter eventually gets to his feet, naked and dazed, and he decides he’s going after the bear one more time. He trips through dense underbrush, he trudges through soupy swamps, and he treks across vast valleys, and finally he finds the bear only a hundred yards away, across a small opening. He takes careful aim, holds his breath, and pulls the trigger.
The hunter, already exhausted, sprints up to the bear.
The bear says, “Did you shoot me AGAIN?”
The hunter says, “Yep.”
So the bear says, “You didn’t really come here to hunt, did you?”
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Bear (+406)
Q: What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?
A: They both have ‘the’ as their middle names!
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Bear (+406)
An Arctic explorer came face to face with a polar bear. Afraid of being eaten, he fell to his knees and started praying. When the polar bear knelt down beside him and started praying too, the man shouted, “It’s a miracle!” The polar bear opened one eye and said “Don’t talk while I’m saying grace.”
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