Q: Yiiii! There’s something coming that’s making an awful noise! It’s got 22 eyes, 42 feet – and it looks all furry! What is it?
A: Hey, that’s just Olayuk and his dog team!
7 views |
 |
|
Read all jokes from:Animals (+5199)
Processing your request, Please wait....
Read all jokes from:Animals (+5199)
A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse
falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go
and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to
the farm but the farmer can’t be found. So he drives the farmer’s
Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He
then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and
drives the car forward saving him from sinking!
A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow
again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to
the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, “I
think I can stand over the hole!” So he stretched over the width of
the hole and said, “Grab for my ‘thingy’ and pull yourself up.” And
the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.
The moral of the story:
If you are hung like a horse, you don’t need a Mercedes to pick up
chicks.
5 views |
|
|
Read all jokes from:Animals (+5199)
A scientist finds evidence of an actual dinosaur, alive and living in the rainforests of South America. He campaigns several universities and succeeds in getting a grant to launch an expedition.
Several weeks pass and the expedition party stumble upon a 3 foot tall pigmy standing near a 300 foot long dead dinosaur.
The scientist approaches the pigmy and exclaims, “Dear Lord! Did you kill this dinosaur?”
“Yep!” replied the pigmy.
“But, it’s so big and you’re so small!”
“Yep!” replied the pigmy.
“How the hell did you kill it?” inquired the scientist.
“With my club,” replied the pigmy.
“How big is your club?” demanded the scientist.
The pigmy replied, “Well, there are about 50 of us.”
15 views |
|
|
Read all jokes from:Cat (+694)
To tell the weather, go to your back door and look for the dog.
If the dog is at the door and he is wet, it’s probably raining. But if the dog is standing there really soaking wet, it is probably raining really hard.
If the dog’s fur looks like it’s been rubbed the wrong way, it’s probably windy.
If the dog has snow on his back, it’s probably snowing.
Of course, to be able to tell the weather like this, you have to leave the dog outside all the time, especially if you expect bad weather.
Sincerely, The CAT
9 views |
|
|
Read all jokes from:Animals (+5199)
“Old Jethro’s next door is a-makin’ moonshine again,” the wife told her husband.
“How can you tell?” he asked. “Did you smell it?”
“Nope. But a bunch of mice from his place came over here this morning and beat the tarnation outta our cats.”
19 views |
|
|
Read all jokes from:Cat (+694)
* Thou shalt not jump onto the keyboard when thy human is on the modem.
* Thou shalt not pull the phone cord out of the back of the modem.
* Thou shalt not unroll all of the toilet paper off the roll.
* Thou shalt not sit in front of the television or monitor as thou are transparent.
* Thou shalt not projectile vomit from the top of the refrigerator.
* Thou shalt not walk in on a dinner party and commence licking thy butt.
* Thou shalt not lie down with thy butt in thy human’s face.
* Thou shalt not leap from great heights onto thy human’s genital region.
* Fast as thou are, thou cannot run through closed doors.
* Thou shalt not reset thy human’s alarm clock by walking on it.
* Thou shalt not climb on the garbage can with the hinged lid, as thou wilt fall in and trap thyself.
* Thou shalt not jump onto the toilet seat just as thy human is sitting down.
* Thou shalt not jump onto thy sleeping human’s bladder at 4a.m.
* Thou shalt realize that the house is not a prison from which to escape at any opportunity.
* Thou shalt not trip thy humans even if they are walking too slow.
* Thou shalt not push open the bathroom door when there are guests in thy house.
* Thou shalt remember that thou are a carnivore and that houseplants are not meat.
* Thou shalt show remorse when being scolded.
7 views |
|
|
Read all jokes from:Animals (+5199)
Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a cat?
A: A big furry creature that purrs while it sits on your lap and squashes you.
11 views |
|
|
Read all jokes from:Animals (+5199)
It was a boring Sunday afternoon in the jungle so the Elephants decided to challenge the Ants to a game of soccer.
The game was going well with the Elephants beating the Ants ten goals to nil, when the Ants gained possession. The Ants’ star player was dribbling the ball towards the Elephants’ goal when the Elephants’ left back came lumbering towards him. The elephant trod on the little ant, killing him instantly. The referee stopped the game.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?
Do you call that sportsmanship, killing another player?”
The elephant replied, “Well, I didn’t mean to kill him – I was just trying to trip him up.”
7 views |
|
|
Read all jokes from:Cat (+694), Lists (+728)
1. I could have sworn I heard a can opener.
2. Is there something I’m not getting when humans make noise with their mouths?
3. Why doesn’t the government do something about dogs?
4. I wonder if Morris really liked 9- lives, or did he have ULTERIOR motives?
5. Hmmmm… If dogs serve humans, and humans serve cats, why can’t we ever get those STUPID dogs to do anything for us?
6. This looks like a good spot for a nap.
7. Hey – no kidding, I’m sure that’s the can opener.
8. Would humans have built a vast and complex civilisation of their own if we cats hadn’t given them a reason to invent sofas and can openers in the first place.
9. If there’s a God, how can He allow neutering?
10. If that really was the can opener, I’ll play finicky just to let THEM know who’s boss !
15 views |
|
|
Read all jokes from:Animals (+5199)
There once was a toad that was excluded from all Green Toad activities because he was a handsome shade of yellow. So he went to visit a beautiful fairy in the town over who had the power to grant wishes.
“Fairy,” he said. “I would like to be green, so I can play with all the other toads.”
“Granted!” said the fairy, who turned him yellow. Unfortunately, his little toady penis was still yellow.
“What about my penis?” he asked the fairy.
“Oh! For that, you’ll have to go see the wizard.” And so the toad hopped off to find the wizard. Soon, a pink elephant visited the fairy, and he wished to be turned gray. She granted him the wish, but, as with the toad, his penis was still pink. So she told him to visit the wizard.
“How do I find the wizard?” he asked.
“Just follow the yellow dick toad.”
10 views |
|
|