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After a weekend trip home to Arkansas, Bill Clinton stepped from the helicopter and onto the White House lawn. He was carrying two Arkansas-bred hawgs, one under each arm.
At the bottom of the steps, a young Marine snapped to attention, saluted sharply and said, “Fine looking pigs, sir!”
Clinton turned and glared at the boy. “Son, don’t You know I’m from Arkansas? These ain’t pigs. They’re hawgs.”
The Marine shot back, “Marine begs the Commander-In-Chief’s pardon, sir! Fine looking hawgs, sir!”
Clinton smiled with pride and the young man relaxed.
The President went on, “Thank you, son. You see this one here?” He lifted up the pig under his right arm. “I got this one for Chelsea.” Then he nodded to the hawg on his left. “And this one here, I got for Hillary.”
At that the Marine snapped back to attention and said, “Outstanding trade, sir!”

A farmer goes to confession for the first time in twenty years and tells the priest he’s been having sexual intercourse with a pig ever since his wife died.
The priest asks him if he intends to continue doing it and whether the pig is a male or female.
“No! I’m not doing it anymore!” says the farmer. “And the pig is a female, of course. What the hell do you think I am – a goddam queer?”

Q: How did the pig with laryngitis feel?
A: Dis-gruntled.

After a weekend trip home to Arkansas, Bill Clinton stepped from the helicopter and onto the White House lawn. He was carrying two Arkansas-bred hawgs, one under each arm.
At the bottom of the steps, a young Marine snapped to attention, saluted sharply and said, “Fine looking pigs, sir!”
Clinton turned and glared at the boy. “Son, don’t You know I’m from Arkansas? These ain’t pigs. They’re hawgs.”
The Marine shot back, “Marine begs the Commander-In-Chief’s pardon, sir! Fine looking hawgs, sir!”
Clinton smiled with pride and the young man relaxed.
The President went on, “Thank you, son. You see this one here?” He lifted up the pig under his right arm. “I got this one for Chelsea.” Then he nodded to the hawg on his left. “And this one here, I got for Hillary.”
At that the Marine snapped back to attention and said, “Outstanding trade, sir!”

There were three little pigs that went to a restaurant for dinner. The waiter came to the table and asked if they would like something to drink.

The first piggy said, “I would like a Dr. Pepper.”
The second piggy said, “I would like a glass of tea,”
The third piggy said, “I would like a glass of water.”

When the waiter brought the drinks, he asked if they were ready to order.

The first piggy said, would like a Hamburger.”
The second piggy said, “I would like a Steak.”
The third piggy said, “I would like a glass of water.”

When the piggies were finished eating, the waiter asked if they would like some dessert.

The first piggy said, “I would like a hot fudge sundae.”
The second piggy said, “I would like a banana split.”
The third piggy said, “I would like a glass of water.”

When the piggies were finished with dessert, the waiter brought their check. Before he left the table, he asked the third little piggy why he only ordered water.

The third piggy said, “Well, someone has to go ‘Wee wee all the way home.'”



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