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A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, “Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots but they only know
how to say one thing.”
“What do they say?” the priest inquired.
“They say, “Hi, we’re prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?”
“That’s obscene!” the priest exclaimed, “I can see why you are embarrassed.” He thought a minute and then said, “You know,
I may have a solution to this problem. I have two male parrots whom I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two
parrots over to my house and we will put them in the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and
worship. I’m sure your parrots will stop saying that…that phrase in no time.”
“Thank you,” the woman responded, “this may very well be the solution.”
The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest’s house. As he ushered her in, she saw this two male parrots were
inside their cage, hold their rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them. After just
a couple of seconds, the female parrots exclaimed out in unison, “Hi, we’re prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?”
There was a stunned silence. Finally, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and said, “Put the beads away, Francis,
our prayers have been answered!”

A middle- aged man recieves a brazillian parrot for his birthday. The only problem with this parrot is its attitude due to the influence of its former owner, who is now a deceased truck driver. The parrot loves to swear up and down at everything it sees.
One day the man comes home with a gorgeous woman for a candle lit dinner. The first thing the parrot says is ” Hey bitch how much for a handjob”. She takes one look at our middle- aged friend, and runs out the door.
The next night, our friend is visited by his mother.
The parrot opens up with,”I’ll suck that crusty coin- slot crack of yours for a senior citizen discount, if you lose that over- the- shoulder- boulder- holder, and wiggle those droopy dum dums for me. Our friend recieves a smack that leaves a fire- engine- red print, followed by a future threat from his father.
Well our frustrated friend can stands no more. He grabs the little motherfucker and throws it into the freezer.
After about 15 minutes of swearing and kicking from the bad bird, all is quiet. Another 5 min of silence passes by. Our friend gets curious and opens the fridge.
The bird calmly perches on his finger.
“Have you learned your lesson?”, he sternly said.
All the parrot can say is “I sure have. I just have one question. What the Fuck happened to the chicken?

There was a married couple having communication problems, so they decide to see a shrink. He recommends the husband get an animal he can talk to, preferably something that can talk back.

So the husband (Bob) goes to the local pet store to purchase a parrot. What better animal to have a conversation with than a parrot?

Anyway, he asks the sales clerk for a parrot. The Clerk says he has one that can say about 2000 words, for $1000. Bob doesn’t want to spend that much, so the clerk says he has a parrot that says about 1000 words, for $500. Still a litttle expensive, Bob decides. OK, the clerk says, We aren’t supposed to sell him, but you really seem to want a parrot. We have one in the back that can speak about 5000 words, about as well as any person. The only thing is that it was born with a birth defect. Instead of legs, it has a six-inch penis it uses to grapple to perch. Five bucks. Bob buys it, names it Joe, and takes joe home.

After a few months, Bob and Joe are the best of friends. One day, Bob comes home from work, and Joe says “Bob, we need to talk.”

So Bob sits down, “yeah what’s up?”

Joe says “today you’re wife invited the mailman in.”

“So? He was probably tired form working.”

“She asked him if he wanted a drink.”

“Well, he was probably thirsty. He has been working all day, you know.”

“She started taking off her blouse,” Joe said.

“OH MY GOD!! What happened then?”

“I Don’t know,” Said Joe. “I got a hard-on and fell off the perch.”

A little old lady buys a pair of parrots, but cannot identify their sexes. She calls the shop, and the man there advises her to watch them carefully and all would become clear in time.
She spends weeks staring at the cage and eventually catches them doing what comes naturally. To make sure she doesn’t get them mixed up again, she cuts out a ring from a piece of cardboard and puts it round the male parrot’s neck.
A while later, the local priest visits the old lady. The male parrot takes one look at the father’s collar, wolf whistles, and says, “I see she caught you at it, too.”

Myron’s mother was very hard to please, but one year he thought hard and finally came up with a truly inspired birthday present: a pricey parrot that spoke six languages.

He arranged to have the bird delivered to her apartment a few hours before he was to arrive for the birthday dinner.

“So, Mom, did you get my present?” he asked.

“Yes, Myron, I did. And I must say, it cooked up very nicely.”

“You didn’t cook it!” Myron gasped. “That bird cost me $1,500. And it spoke English, Portuguese, Mandarin, Urdu, Arabic and Russian!”

“Now Myron,” the old woman chided, “if it really spoke all those languages, why didn’t it say something?”



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