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There was a married couple having communication problems, so they decide to see a shrink. He recommends the husband get an animal he can talk to, preferably something that can talk back.

So the husband (Bob) goes to the local pet store to purchase a parrot. What better animal to have a conversation with than a parrot?

Anyway, he asks the sales clerk for a parrot. The Clerk says he has one that can say about 2000 words, for $1000. Bob doesn’t want to spend that much, so the clerk says he has a parrot that says about 1000 words, for $500. Still a litttle expensive, Bob decides. OK, the clerk says, We aren’t supposed to sell him, but you really seem to want a parrot. We have one in the back that can speak about 5000 words, about as well as any person. The only thing is that it was born with a birth defect. Instead of legs, it has a six-inch penis it uses to grapple to perch. Five bucks. Bob buys it, names it Joe, and takes joe home.

After a few months, Bob and Joe are the best of friends. One day, Bob comes home from work, and Joe says “Bob, we need to talk.”

So Bob sits down, “yeah what’s up?”

Joe says “today you’re wife invited the mailman in.”

“So? He was probably tired form working.”

“She asked him if he wanted a drink.”

“Well, he was probably thirsty. He has been working all day, you know.”

“She started taking off her blouse,” Joe said.

“OH MY GOD!! What happened then?”

“I Don’t know,” Said Joe. “I got a hard-on and fell off the perch.”

A little old lady buys a pair of parrots, but cannot identify their sexes. She calls the shop, and the man there advises her to watch them carefully and all would become clear in time.
She spends weeks staring at the cage and eventually catches them doing what comes naturally. To make sure she doesn’t get them mixed up again, she cuts out a ring from a piece of cardboard and puts it round the male parrot’s neck.
A while later, the local priest visits the old lady. The male parrot takes one look at the father’s collar, wolf whistles, and says, “I see she caught you at it, too.”

Myron’s mother was very hard to please, but one year he thought hard and finally came up with a truly inspired birthday present: a pricey parrot that spoke six languages.

He arranged to have the bird delivered to her apartment a few hours before he was to arrive for the birthday dinner.

“So, Mom, did you get my present?” he asked.

“Yes, Myron, I did. And I must say, it cooked up very nicely.”

“You didn’t cook it!” Myron gasped. “That bird cost me $1,500. And it spoke English, Portuguese, Mandarin, Urdu, Arabic and Russian!”

“Now Myron,” the old woman chided, “if it really spoke all those languages, why didn’t it say something?”

During an auction of exotic pets, a woman who had placed a winning bid told the auctioneer, “I’m paying a fortune for that parrot. I hope he talks as well as you say he does.”
“I guarantee it, madam,” replied the auctioneer. “Who do you think was bidding against you?”

A robber was robbing a house when he heard a voice. “Jesus is watching you!”
“Who’s there?” The robber said but no sound was heard. So he kept going and he heard it two more times when he spotted a parrot.
“What’s your name,” the robber asked.
“Cocodora” said the parrot.
“Now, what kind of idiot would name a bird Cocodora” said the robber.
“The same idiot who named the rotweiler Jesus”, said the parrot.

© 2015