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There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle drinking from a river deep in the jungle. For no reason, the turtle reaches
over and bites the elephant’s tail, really hard.
Years and years later, the same elephant, now grown up, is by the same river, having a drink with his giraffe buddy, when the
same turtle that bit him on the tail all those years ago wanders up to the river. The elephant rears back a leg and kicks
the turtle as hard as he can, sending him flying way off into the jungle.
“Why did you do that?” the giraffe asks.
“When we both were babies, that turtle bit my tail for no reason,” the elephant replied.
“Wow! You must have a good memory!” exclaimed the giraffe.
“Yep!” said the elephant. “I’ve got Turtle-Recall.”

Q: What happened to the frog’s car when his parking meter expired?

A: It got toad!

The humans’ U.S. Treasury Department is contemplating changing the look of U.S. currency again. Despite all the recent changes, the bills are too easy to forge. As long as they are going to change things, why not put pictures of CATS on the new currency instead of presidents. Everyone knows WE’VE been running things since Day One anyway! The nominations for Cats on Currency are:

* Cat in the Hat
We don’t need a reason why,
Be it girl or just a guy,
Just a cat within a hat,
No better reason than just that!

* Morris
Still finicky after all these years.

* Cheshire
Cat proverb: “Always keep a smile on your face. Makes ‘em wonder what you’ve been up to.”

* Mr. Snookums
Perhaps the most famous cartoon cat at the turn of Y2Kitty.

* Mr. Bigglesworth
Big Owner to Cat: “Oh, Behave!”
Cat to Big Owner: Zip it!

* Puss’N Boots
“One of these days these boots are going to walk all over you…”

* Salem
Best comedic timing of any cat – or human – on Television.

* Felix
A pioneer. If it weren’t for that funky first name…

* Sylvester
… No otha, my brotha…

* Snagglepuss
Just barely made my lisp, I mean list. But also the first to: Exit stage left…

And my winner of Feline Dollar fame is:

Now I must decide between Julie Newmar, Eartha Kitt, Lee Merriwether, or Michelle Pfeiffer! Oh No!

Q: What game do cows play at parties?
A: Moosical chairs!

Q: What is the worst thing that can happen to a bat while it sleeps?
A: Diarrhoea!

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