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Q: If there is H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant, what’s on the outside?
A: K9P.

An old lady owned two monkeys. One day they both died, so she took them to the taxodermist.
“So you want them mounted?” asked the taxidermist.
To which she replied: “No. Holding hands will do just fine.”

Q: How do you catch a polar bear?

A: You cut a hole in the ice. Then you open a can of peas. Place the peas next to the whole in the ice. When the bear comes to take a pea… you kick him in the ice hole.

Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To stamp out fires.

Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stamp out burning ducks.

There is this old rooster on a farm. One day the farmer said that he needs a younger rooster. So he buys one. He brings it back to the farm. The old rooster says, “I bet I can race you around the barn 3 times and win”. Then the younger rooster says “your on”. Then when they start the race, the old rooster jumps ahead, the younger rooster is right behind him. One lap, two laps, 2 and a half laps then BANG the young rooster is blown to smithereenes! The farmer was on his porch with his shot gun. Then the farmer says, “THATS THE 2ND FUCKIN GAY ROOSTER I HAVE HAD THIS WEEK.”

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