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* Golden Retriever: The sun is shining. The day is young. We’ve got our whole lives ahead of us. And you’re inside worrying about a stupid, burned-out light bulb?

* Border Collie: Just one. Not only that, but I’ll replace any wiring that’s not up to code.

* Dachshund: I can’t reach the lamp!

* Toy Poodle: I’ll just talk sweet to the Border collie and he’ll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

* Rottweiler: Go ahead! Make me!

* Shi-tzu: Puh-leeze, dah-ling. What are servants for?

* Lab: Oh, me, me! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I?

* Malamute: Let the Border collie do it. You can feed me while he’s busy.

* Doberman Pinscher: While it’s dark, I’m going to sleep on the couch.

* Hound Dog: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

* Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.

* Pointer: I see it, there it is, right there…

* Greyhound: It isn’t moving. Who cares?

* Australian Shepherd: Put all the light bulbs in a little circle…

* Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?

A guy walks into a pet store wanting a parrot. The store clerk shows him two beautiful ones out on the floor. “This one’s $5,000 and the other is $10,000.” the clerk said.

“Wow! What does the $5,000 one do?”

“This parrot can sing every aria Mozart ever wrote.”

“And the other?” said the customer.

“This one can sing Wagner’s entire Ring cycle. There’s another one in the back room for $30,000.”

“Holy moly! What does that one do?”

“Nothing that I can tell, but the other two parrots call him ‘Maestro’.”

Q: Why didn’t the tourist in the Arctic get any sleep?

A: He plugged his electric blanket into the toaster by mistake – and kept popping out of bed all night!

A man walks into a bar and says “Bartender gimme a triple shot of Jack”. The bartender pours, and the man downs it, slams the glass on the bar and says “Another”.

The bartender pours another. The man downs it and says “Another”.

As the bartender pours the third glass he says, “Mister you drink like you have a problem. Want to talk about it?”

The man says, “Ten years, ten years I’ve been married to my wife, and today I go home a little early to surprise her, and I find my best friend, MY BEST FRIEND, in bed having sex with her.”

The bartender says “Geez, what did you say.”

The man says ” I told him, BAD DOG! BAD DOG!”

Once upon a time, there lived a poor cap seller in a small village in India. He earned his livelihood stiching caps and selling them in the neighboring villages. Once when going to another village through a forest, he fell asleep under a tree. When he woke up, he was surprised to find his basket empty and all the caps missing. Then he noticed a troop of monkeys sitting in the tree wearing his caps. He came up with a brilliant idea to retrieve his caps. He lifted the cap on his head and threw it to the ground. Out of their apeing habits the monkeys followed suit. The cap seller, then collected all the caps and triumphantly proceeded to the market.

As the years pass by, the cap seller has a grandson who too ends up being a cap seller. One day he has to pass through the same forest to sell caps in the village on the other side. As he is leaving, his grandpa tells him of the monkeys and how he outsmarted them and warns the grandson to be careful in the forest and remember his grandpa’s trick if the monkeys cause any trouble. So the grandson sets forth on his journey. While passing through the forest, he gets tired and falls asleep to wake up and find the basket empty and all the caps gone. Then he notices the monkeys on the tree wearing the caps. Smiling to himself he says, “Aha! I know how to deal with this. I’ll use my grandpa’s trick!”

So he hurls his cap to the ground expecting the monkeys to do the same. All this time, there is a young capless monkey sitting in the tree. This monkey jumps down from the tree, quickly picks up the grandson’s cap and puts it on his head. Then as he is scampering away, he says to the grandson sarcastically “HA, HA! So, did you think that only you humans have a grandpa?”



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