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Sure fire signs that your cow has mad- cow disease…

Your cow insists on wearing a little A- 1 sauce behind each ear as cologne.

She refuses to let you milk her, saying “Not on the first date.”

Your cow takes up painting and cuts off one of its ears.

Your cow gets a silicon implant for her udder.

Your cow appears on Oprah, claiming to be a horse trapped in a cow’s body.

Your cow demands to be branded with the ‘Golden Archs Logo’.

Your cow insists that all Hindus are sacred.

Your cow insists evaporated milk comes from thirsty cows.

Your cow quits the family dairy business and applies for a job at Burger King.

She starts giving you Milk of Amnesia.

Your cow joins the Hell’s Angels because, hey, it already has a cool leather jacket.

Your cow starts smoking its grass rather than eating it.

Your cow spends half the day sitting in the Lotus Position chanting “MOO” backwards.

Your cow insists that it can give you chocolate milk if you started feeding it Hershey bars.

Your cow asks you to brand it again but only if you’ll wear something sexy this time.

Your cow purposely blinds itself with a dart and yells “Bullseye”!

Your cow becomes a Muslim and asks to be called “LaCream Abdul Milkbar”.

Your cow insists Milk Duds are the result of stupid cows.

Your cow starts laughing hysterically until milk spurts out its nose.

You find your cow hiding secret plans to burn down half of Chicago.

Your cow keeps wanting to chew other cows cuds.

Your cow believes it could really jump over the moon like in the nursery rhyme if it had a really good run at it.

Q: Why do gorillas have big noses?

A: Because they have big fingers.

Q: What sits on the bottom of the cold Arctic Ocean and shakes?

A: A nervous wreck.

Q: What’s green and has wheels?
A: A Frog. I lied about the wheels

An Arctic explorer came face to face with a polar bear. Afraid of being eaten, he fell to his knees and started praying.
When the polar bear knelt down beside him and started praying too, the man shouted, “It’s a miracle!”
The polar bear opened one eye and said “Don’t talk while I’m saying grace.”
We’ve just heard of still another result of Global Warming. Pedestrians in Iqaluit are now being pestered by polar bears panhandling for spare ice.
A Polar bear walks into a restaurant in Churchill and says to the waiter, “I’ll have a seal steak … … … … … … … … . and a side order of lemmings.”
The waiter says… “What’s with the big pause?”
The bear replies, “I don’t know… but my father had them, too!”

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