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A man walked into his backyard one morning and found there was a gorilla in a tree. He called a gorilla-removal service, and soon a serviceman arrived with a stick, a Chihuahua, a pair of handcuffs and a shotgun.

“Now listen carefully,” he told the homeowner, “I’m going to climb the tree and poke the gorilla with this stick until he falls to the ground. The trained Chihuahua will then go right for his, uh, sensitive area, and when the gorilla instinctivly crosses his hands in front to protect himself, you slap the handcuffs on”

“Ok, got it.” the homeowner replied. “But whats that shotgun for?”

“If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla,” the man said, “shoot the Chihuahua.”

Q: How can you tell if you have a stupid sled dog?

A: It chases parked snowmobiles!

Over near England is a very little island, called the Isle of Man, and a very peculiar thing about the people, on this island is, that they don’t believe in automobiles, and the climate is such that they can’t keep horses so they all have a donkey or what is commonly called an ass.

Some have just ordinary asses that you wouldn’t look at twice, others have extraordinary asses. The mayor has an ass that nobody looks at twice, but his wife has a beautiful ass. People who really know asses say that she has one of the finest asses that they have ever seen. Men often stop her on the way to the market to pat her ass.

On Sunday they all go to church on their asses. Sometimes the girls ride the boys asses and sometimes the boys ride the girls asses.

Now of this particular Sunday the preacher had to leave immediately following the sermon so he thought he better have it handy, so he tied his ass just outside the window. During the service a fire broke our and everyone ran to save his ass. The preacher jumped out of the window expecting to land on his ass, but there was a big hole and he fell into it — Which goes to show that even a preacher doesn’t know his ass from a hole in the ground.

It’s so easy to milk a cow. Any jerk can do it.

A guy walks into a bar with his horse and offers $100 to anybody who can make the horse laugh. One guy whispers something in the horse’s ear and the horse starts to laugh.

The following week, the guy is back in the bar with his horse again and offers $200 to anyone who can make the horse cry. The guy who won the last week takes the horse off to the bathroom. When they come back, the horse is crying his eyes out.

Amazed, the owner asks the man how he did it.

The man says, “Last week, I told the horse that I had a bigger pecker than him. This week, I showed it to him.”

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