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1. I could have sworn I heard a can opener.

2. Is there something I’m not getting when humans make noise with their mouths?

3. Why doesn’t the government do something about dogs?

4. I wonder if Morris really liked 9- lives, or did he have ULTERIOR motives?

5. Hmmmm… If dogs serve humans, and humans serve cats, why can’t we ever get those STUPID dogs to do anything for us?

6. This looks like a good spot for a nap.

7. Hey – no kidding, I’m sure that’s the can opener.

8. Would humans have built a vast and complex civilisation of their own if we cats hadn’t given them a reason to invent sofas and can openers in the first place.

9. If there’s a God, how can He allow neutering?

10. If that really was the can opener, I’ll play finicky just to let THEM know who’s boss !

Two men were walking along the street when they came upon a dog licking his dick.
One man said, “I sure wish I could do that.”
The other replied, “You can, but you’re probably going to have to pet him first.”

Q: What do cat actors say on stage?
A: Tabby or not tabby!

A bear and a rabbit are walking through the woods when they come across a golden frog. They think this is an amazing discovery and they are even more amazed when it talks to them. The golden frog admits that he is a magical frog, and doesn’t often meet other residents of the forest, but when he does, he grants them three wishes each.

The bear immediately asks that all the other bears in the forest be female. The frog immediately grants this wish.

The rabbit, after thinking for a while, asks for a crash helmet and one appears, which he places on his head.

The bear is amazed at this, but carries on with his next wish. He asks that all the bears in the neighboring forests be female as well. This wish is also fulfilled.

The rabbit then wishes that he could have a motorcycle. It appears before him, and he climbs on board and starts revving the engine.

The bear cannot believe it. He remarks to the rabbit that he has wasted two wishes. Then, shaking his head, he makes his final wish, “I wish that all the other bears in the world be female as well.”

The frog replies that it has been done and they both turn to the rabbit for his last wish.

The rabbit thinks for a second, then revs up the engine and says, “I wish for the bear to be gay!” and promptly drives off as fast as he can!

There was this shepherd who had this whole flock of sheep. He wanted to get the sheep pregnant so that he could increase his stock, but he was too poor to buy a male sheep. So, he figured the only thing he could do was to get the sheep pregnant himself.

One morning the man loaded up all the sheep into his truck and drove them over to a barn where nobody could see him. He screwed each sheep and then loaded them back in the truck and brought them back to the pasture near his house. He went to bed that night after a long day’s work.

The next morning he woke up, and looked out the bedroom window expecting all the sheep to be laying down on their sides, because that is what the sheep do when they are pregnant. But, all the sheep were still standing.

The guy is surprised and a little disappointed, but he gets up, loads the sheep back into the truck, takes them to the barn and tries to get them impregnated. He wakes up the next morning and looks out the window and sees that the sheep are all standing up. So, he loads them in the truck, takes them in the barn and does them all, yet again.

The next morning, he is so exhausted by his work, he asks his wife to look out the window and look at the sheep. She does this and he asks her if they are laying down on their sides. She says, “No, they are all in the truck, and one is honking the horn!”

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