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Did you hear about the Blind man that went Bunjee jumping?
Scared the hell out of the dog.

Q: Why did the chicken scientist cross the road?
A: To invent the other side.

Q: What kind of cats lay around the house?
A: Car-pets!

Q: How can you tell if an elephant is getting ready to charge?
A: He pull out his Diners’ Club card.

So there’s this fella with a parrot. And this parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he’s a pistol. He can swear for five
minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird’s
foul mouth is driving him crazy.
One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, “QUIT IT!” But
this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever.
Then the guy gets mad and says, “OK for you.” and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird and
he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of vulgarities that would
make a veteran sailor blush.
At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer.
For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets very quiet.
At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence,
he’s so worried that he opens up the freezer door.
The bird calmly climbs onto the man’s outstretched arm and says, “Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I’ll do
my best to improve my vocabulary from now on.”
The man is astounded. He can’t understand the transformation that has come over the parrot. Then the parrot says, “By the
way, what did the chicken do?”



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