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If you’re a bear

If you’re a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that.

Before you hibernate, you’re supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that, too.

If you’re a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. I could deal with that.

If you’re a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.

I wanna be a bear.

This really really old guy is walking on the beach one day.
He hears a little teenie tiny voice calling out “Hey Mister … pssst … come here.”

He looks around and sees a little tiny frog under a palm tree. He picks it up and it says “Hey Mister … if you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful young woman and your wishes will be my commands forever.”

He takes the frog, puts it in his pocket, and starts to walk back toward home.

The frog says “Hey, what are ya doing? Don’t ya want to kiss me?”

The old man says, “No … to tell you the truth, at my age, a talking frog is worth a whole lot more to me.”

Q: Where do intelligent cows like to visit on their holidays?
A: Moo-seums.

Q: Why don’t they allow elephants in public swimming pools?
A: They might let down their trunks.

An elephant walks up to a naked guy and says, “How do you breathe out of that thing?”

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