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* Thou shalt not act half starved whenever thou watches me eat.

* Thou shalt not lift thy leg to water the Christmas tree.

* Thou shalt not roll in any smelley stuff thy finds in the yard.

* Thou shalt not lie down next to me and commence making licking and popping noises. (I know what thou art doing!)

* Thou shalt not dig up my favorite rose bush.

* Thou shalt not treat my shoes as if they were thy chew toy.

* Thou shalt not drink out of the toilet.

* Thou shalt keep thy nose out of the cat’s litter box.

* Thou shalt not WATCH the cat while she is in her litterbox. (she likes her privacy)

* Thou shalt not pass gas in my presence, and then walk away as if thou has been offended by me.

* Thou shalt not run away from home in pursuit of a good time. (thou has been nuetered)

* Thou shalt refrain from coughing and gagging while we have company.

* Thou shall not hide thy bones under my pillow.

* Thou shalt not sniff the crotch of everyone thy encounters.

* Thou shalt not harmonize with the cat at 2am.

* Thou shalt not sneak up on me and lick me in the mouth while I am sleeping.

* Thou shalt refrain from becoming overly affectionate with my mother-in-law’s leg.

Q: What has four legs and an arm?
A: A happy pit bull.

Q: What do you call a rabbit with a bent dick?

A: Fucks funny!

Q: Do you know how to catch a polar bear with peas?
A: First, go out onto the edge of a frozen lake and cut a big hole in the ice. Then you place a circle of peas around the rim
of the hole, and hide behind a nearby tree. When a polar bear comes to take a pea, jump out behind him and kick him in the ice-hole.

Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool?
She had mittens.

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