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Q: What do cat actors say on stage?
A: Tabby or not tabby!

There was a gorilla sitting in a tree by a river, when a lion came by for a cool drink. The gorilla thought to himself, “How funny would it be to screw the king of the jungle in the ass?”
After a Moment or two, the gorilla swung into action. He grabbed the lion and started pumping away. The lion freaked of course, and jumped into the river. The lion came out of the water, roaring, he was really upset. The gorilla decided that it was a good time to be somewhere else, and took off running. The gorilla knew he had to think of something quick because he wasn’t going to outrun the lion.
Just then the gorilla saw a hunter’s tent and ducked inside to hide.
The hunter, reading the paper, was startled and ran out of the tent. The gorilla decided to pretend to be the hunter, he put on the hunter’s shirt and hat, and started to read the paper.
A few minutes later, the lion ran in and thinking it was the hunter reading the paper, said, “Hey Buddy, did you see a gorilla run in here?”
From behind the paper The gorilla answered, “You mean the one that screwed the lion in the ass?”
Flabergasted, the lion said, “Holy Shit! It’s in the paper already?”

Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
A: Chickens hadn’t evolved yet.

A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the countryside with a pet dog which he loved and doted on. After many long years of companionship, the dog finally died so Muldoon went to the parish priest:

“Father, my dear old dog is dead. Could you be saying a mass for the creature?”

Father Patrick replied, “I am so very sorry to hear about your dog`s death. But, unfortunately we cannot have services for an animal in the church. However, there`s a new denomination down the road, no telling what they believe, but maybe they`ll do something for the animal.”

Muldoon said, “I`ll go right now. Do you think $500 is enough to donate for the service?”

Father Patrick: “$500? – Why didn`t you tell me the dog was Catholic?!”

Q: Polar bear cubs are born wet, naked, and in an icy cave. Then what happens?
A: Things get worse!

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