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Q: Why does everyone love cats?

A: They’re purr-fect!

For months Bill had been Lynn’s devoted admirer. At long last he had collected sufficient courage to ask her the momentous question.
“There are quite a lot of advantages to being a bachelor,” Bill began, “but there comes a time when one longs for the companionship of another being, a being who will regard one as perfect, as an idol; whom one can treat as one’s absolute own; who will be kind and faithful when times are hard; who will share one’s joys and sorrows.”
To his delight, Bill saw a sympathetic gleam in Lynn’s eyes.
Then she nodded in agreement, “I think it’s a wonderful idea! Can I help you pick out a puppy?”

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?

A: To get to the other side

Q: Why did the rooster cross the road?

A: To cockadoodle dooo something

Q: Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?

A: He heard the referee calling fowls

Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?

A: To prove he wasn’t chicken

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in the mud and cross the road again?

A: Because he was a dirty double-crosser

Q: Why didn’t the chicken skeleton cross the road?

A: Because he didn’t have enough guts

Q: Why did the chicken cross the playground?

A: To get to the other slide

Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

A: Because chickens hadn’t evolved yet

Q: Why did the turtle cross the road?

A: To get to the shell station

Q: Why did the horse cross the road?

A: Because the chicken needed a day off

Q: What do you get from a drunk chicken?

A: Scotch eggs!

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?”

The crow answered: “Sure, why not.”

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

The Moral of the Story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

1. Has more chins than lives.

2. Enormous furry gut keeps your hardwood floors freshly buffed.

3. He only catches mice that get trapped in his gravitational pull.

4. It’s no longer safe to lift him without a spotter.

5. Luxurious, shiny black fur replaced with mint green polyester pantsuit.

6. No longer cleans herself unless coated in Cheese Whiz.

7. Fifteen month gestation period, and still no kittens.

8. Fewer calls to the fire department, but a sudden upsurge in broken branches.

9. Confused guests constantly mistaking her for beanbag chair.

10. Cat door retrofitted with garage- door opener.

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