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Q: What do you give a pony with a cold?
A: Cough Stirrup!

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and it immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse”s mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip.

She tries to throw her arms around the horse”s neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse”s pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.

She starts to lose consciousness, but to her great fortune, Bobby, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.

1.Treat the beaker like your most prized possession.
2.Solemnly intone the word “no” every time the cat approaches the beaker.
3.After completing steps #1 and #2, leave the cat alone with the beaker for thirty seconds.

Q: How do you tell a brown bear from a grizzly bear?
A1: Climb a tree. If the bear climbs it and eats you, it’s a brown bear.
A2: If the bear knocks the tree down and eats you, it’s a grizzly.

Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

A: He was dead.

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