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A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can’t be found. So he drives the farmer’s Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking!

A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, “I think I can stand over the hole!” So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, “Grab for my ‘thingy’ and pull yourself up.” And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.

The moral of the story:
If you are hung like a horse, you don’t need a Mercedes to pick up chicks.

Q: What do you call a cat who’s joined the Red Cross?
A: A first-aid kit!

A mother balloon is floating arond with her baby balloon. The caring mother tells her child to watch out for the cactus. The baby balloon replies, “What cactusssssssssssssssssssss…?”

Little Johnny is sitting in a biology class,and the teacher says that an interesting phenomenon of nature is that only humans stutter, no other animal in the world does this.
Jimmy’s hand shoots up. “Not correct, Miss!” he says.
“Please explain, Jimmy,” replies the teacher.
“Well, Miss, the other day I was playing with my cat on the verandah. The neighbours’ Great Dane came around the corner, and my cat went “ffffffffff! ffffffffffff! ffffffffff!”, and before he could say “FUCK OFF!”, the dog ate him!”

Q: What do you get if you cross a shellfish and a rabbit?

A: The Oyster Bunny



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