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Q: What did the seal say when it swam into a concrete wall?

A: “Dam!”

An ant and an elephant share a night of romance. The next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead.

“Shit!” says the ant. “One night of passion and I will spend the rest of my life digging a grave!”

John came back from a safari in Africa. Upon arrival, he went to his friend, Mark, and told him of his adventures.

“I was out in the jungle,” he said, “when all of a sudden I heard a noise in the bush behind me. Looking back, I saw a huge lion, licking his chops and smiling at me. The lion started coming my way and I started running, with the lion not far behind. When the lion was almost at my neck, he suddenly slipped, and I got ahead a bit. The lion started gaining on me again, and as he got closer, once again he slipped. I happened to see a house not far away, so I made toward it. I got close to the house with the lion almost on top of me when he slipped for a third time. With my very last bit of strength, I ran into the house and closed the door in the lion’s face.”

“That’s some story there, John, I would have went in my pants.”

“Well, WHAT DO YOU THINK THE LION KEPT SLIPPING ON?”

There’s a Christian who’s hiking in the woods one day when he comes upon an angry bear. The bear stood up on its hind legs and growled ferociously, clearly preparing to charge. In panic, the Christian started to run, but the bear followed close on his heels. Finally the hiker came to a cliff. So he dropped to his knees and asked God to please make this bear a good Christian bear.

To the hiker’s amazement, the bear suddenly stopped growling, fell to his knees and folded his paws together in prayer!

“Thank you, Lord!” exclaimed the Christian.

“Thank you, Lord!” exclaimed the bear, “for this meal I’m about to receive!”

Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog had recently died.
“You know, it’s not your fault that the dog died. He’s probably up in heaven right now, having a grand old time with God.”
Susie, still crying, said “What would God want with a dead dog?”



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