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Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs are. The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, and the fourth man was a Government Worker.

To show off, the Engineer called to his dog. “T-Square, do your stuff.” T-Square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen, and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.

But the Accountant said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, “Slide Rule, do your stuff.” Slide Rule went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each. Everyone agreed that was very good.

But the Chemist said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, “Measure, do your stuff.” Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that was astounding.

The Government Worker called to his dog and said, “Coffee Break, do your stuff.” Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, pooped on the paper, assaulted the other three dogs, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Worker’s Compensation, and went home on sick leave.

Q: What do you call a crate of ducks?
A: A box of quackers!

It’s a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are at the zoo. She’s wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless w/straps. As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla goes ape. He jumps up on the bars, holding on w/one hand (and 2 feet), grunting and pounding his chest w/the free hand. He is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the sheer dress.

The husband, noticing the excitement, suggests that his wife tease the poor fellow. He tells her to pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom, and flirt w/the ape.

She does and the gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall; she does, and the gorilla is so excited, he’s just about to tear the bars down.

The husband then suggests that the wife lift her dress up above the thighs… this drives the gorilla absolutely crazy.

Then, quickly the husband grabs his wife by the hair, rips open the door to the cage, slings her in w/the gorilla and says, “Now, tell him you have a headache.”

Q: What happened to the Mammoth that swallowed the Guiding Orb?
A: It roared with de-light!

Q: What do cows like to dance to?

A: Any kind of moosic you like!



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