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A man runs into the vet’s office carrying his dog, screaming for
help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him
put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the
still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his
dog, regrettably, is dead. The man, clearly agitated and not
willing to accept this, demands a second opinion.

The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts
the cat down next to the dog’s body. The cat sniffs the body,
walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog’s body and
finally looks at the vet and meows. The vet looks at the man and
says, “I’m sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too.”

The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.

The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body,
walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks.
The vet looks at the man and says, “I’m sorry, but the lab thinks
your dog is dead too.”

The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and
asks how much he owes. The vet answers, “$650.”

“$650 to tell me my dog is dead?” exclaimed the man…

“Well,” the vet replies, “I would only have charged you $50 for
my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan
and lab tests.”

A hunter spots a grizzly bear 1,000 yards away, but he can’t get any closer so he aims his rifle and pulls the trigger. He can see he’s hit the bear, so he sets off after it. When he finally catches up to the bear, the bear is clutching his shoulder and says, “Was it you who shot me?”
The hunter says, “Yes.”
The bear says, “You need to be taught a lesson.” The bear strips off the hunter’s clothes, bends him over, and has his way with him.
Several minutes later the hunter struggles to his feet, pulls himself together, and vows to find that bear. He searches through the woods, up hill and dale, and then he spots it 500 yards away, aims his rifle, pulls the trigger, and sets off after it. When he catches up to the bear, the bear says, “Did you shoot me again?”
The hunter, trembling, says, “Yes.”
The bear says, “Well, maybe this’ll teach you,” whereupon it grabs up the hunter, rips off his already tattered clothing, throws him violently to the ground, and really rips him a new one.
The hunter eventually gets to his feet, naked and dazed, and he decides he’s going after the bear one more time. He trips through dense underbrush, he trudges through soupy swamps, and he treks across vast valleys, and finally he finds the bear only a hundred yards away, across a small opening. He takes careful aim, holds his breath, and pulls the trigger.
The hunter, already exhausted, sprints up to the bear.
The bear says, “Did you shoot me AGAIN?”
The hunter says, “Yep.”
So the bear says, “You didn’t really come here to hunt, did you?”

It’s a sunny morning in the big forest and the Bear family is just waking up. Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty!

“Who’s been eating my porridge?!” he squeaks.

Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl. It is also empty!

“Who’s been eating my porridge?!” he roars.

Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and screams:

“For Heaven’s sake, how many times do we have to go through this? I haven’t even started making the damn the porridge yet!”

On preparing to return home from an out of town trip, this man got a small puppy as a present for his son. Not having time to get the paper work to take the puppy onboard, the man just hid the pup down the front of his pants and snunk him onboard the airplane.. About 30 minutes into the trip a stew noticed the man shaking and quivering.

‘Are you OK, sir?’ asked the stew?

‘Yes, I’m fine.’ said the man.

Sometime later the stew noticed the man moaning, and shaking again.

‘Are you sure you’re alright sir?’

‘Yes.’ said the man, ‘but I have a confession to make.

I didn’t have time to get the paperwork to bring a puppy onboard, so I hid him down the front of my pants.’

‘Whats wrong?’ asked the stew, ‘Is he not house broken?’

‘No, that’s not the problem. The problem is he’s not weaned yet!’

Q: What do you call a dog with no back legs and balls of steel?
A: Sparky

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