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One day a baby polar bear approaches his mother with a confused expression on his face and says, “Mom? Am I a polar bear?”
“Well of course son!”

The cub replied, “You’re sure I’m not a panda bear or a black bear?”

“No, of course not. Now run outside and play.”

But the baby polar bear is still confused so he approaches his father.

The cub asks, “Dad, am I a polar bear?”

“Why of course son!” the papa polar bear gruffly replies.

The cub continues, “I don’t have any grizzly bear or Koala bear in my bloodlines?”

“No son. I’m a polar bear, your mother is a polar bear, and by god you too are one hundred percent purebred polar bear! Why in the world do you ask?”

“Because I’m freezing my BUTT off!”

Two goldfish are in a tank.
One said to the other:

‘Do you know how to drive this thing?’

Q: Why do squirells swim on there back?
A: To keep their nuts dry.

A man goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says “I’ll bet $50 that no one here has a musical instrument that this octopus
CAN’T play”
The people in the bar look around, and someone fetches out an old guitar. The octopus has a look,picks it up, tunes the string, and starts playing the guitar.The octopus’ owner pockets the $50 Next, a guy comes up with a trumpet. The octopus takes the horn, loosens up the keys, licks it’s lips and starts playing a jazz solo. The guy pockets yet another $50. The bar owner has been watching all of this and disappears to the back. He comes back a few moments later with a set of bagpipes under his arm.
He puts them on the bar and says to the guy and his octopus, “Now, if your octopus can play THAT, I’ll give you $100.”
The octopus takes a long hard look at the bagpipes, lifts it up, turns it over, has yet another look from a different angle.
Puzzled, the octopus’ owner comes over and says “What are you waitin for? Hurry up and play that damn thing!”
The octopus says, “Play it? Hell if I can work out how to get it’s pajamas off, I’m gonna screw it!”

An out-of-towner accidentally drives his car into a deep ditch on the side of a country road. Luckily a farmer happened by with his big old horse named Benny.

The man asked for help. The farmer said Benny could pull his car out. So he backed Benny up and hitched Benny to the man’s car bumper.

Then he yelled, “Pull, Nellie, pull.”
Benny didn’t move.

Then he yelled, “Come on, pull Ranger.”
Still, Benny didn’t move.

Then he yelled really loud, “Now pull, Fred, pull hard.”
Benny just stood.

Then the farmer nonchalantly said,
“Okay, Benny, pull.”

Benny pulled the car out of the ditch.

The man was very appreciative but curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.

The farmer said, “Oh, Benny is blind, and if he thought he was the only one pulling he wouldn’t even try.”



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