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Q: Why did the cat join the Red Cross?
A: Because she wanted to be a first- aid kit!

A blind man is standing at the corner with his seeing eye dog waiting to cross the street, when his pooch lifts his leg and pisses
down the side of his nice herringbone tweed trousers. The guy immediately reaches into his jacket pocket and retrieves a doggie
biscuit which he starts to offer to Fido.
A businessman, who is also waiting to cross the street, observes this happening and interrupts, “Excuse me buddy, but are you
aware of the fact that your dog just pissed all down the leg of your pants?”
“Yes, I’m trying to break him of this dreadful habit”, replies the blind man.
“Well, it’s none of my business,” says the onlooker, “but you’re not going to teach him much by rewarding him with a biscuit!”
To which the blind fellow chuckles, “Oh I’m not rewarding him. I’m just trying to find his head so I can kick his ass!”

An old bloke in the Northern Territory was showing some tourists how to
top up a camel with water.
“That way,” he said, “You get an extra day out of them between drinks.”
As the camel bent down to drink, the bloke picked up two bricks and bashed
them over the camel’s balls.
The camel sucked in its breath and took on three days’ extra water.
“Doesn’t that hurt?” asked a tourist.
“Nah,” replied the bloke. “Only if you get your fingers caught!”

Did you hear Lassie had a son with a Rottweiler?

It rips off your arm, then runs for help.

Q: How does a polar bear stop a VCR?
A: It just presses the “paws” button.



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