Joke's Database
     
Have fun searching 100254 jokes and pictures!


Q: Why do Mammoths sometimes walk on two feet?

A: To give Squallhoots a chance.

What is a Cat?

1. Cats do what they want.
2. They rarely listen to you.
3. They’re totally unpredictable.
4. They whine when they are not happy.
5. When you want to play, they want to be alone.
6. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
7. They expect you to cater to their every whim.
8. They’re moody.
9. They leave hair everywhere.
10. They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg.

Conclusion: Cats are tiny women in little fur coats.

What is a Dog?

1. Dogs lie around all day, sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house.
2. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don’t hear you when you’re in the same room.
3. They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.
4. They growl when they are not happy.
5. When you want to play, they want to play.
6. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
7. They are great at begging.
8. They will love you forever if you rub their tummies.
9. They leave their toys everywhere.
10. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss.

Conclusion: Dogs are men in little fur coats.

Q: What is the last thing to go through the mind of a mosquito when it hits your windscreen?

A: It’s ass.

A blind man with a seeing eye dog at his side walks into a grocery store. The man walks to the middle of the store, picks up the dog by the tail, and starts swinging the dog around in circles over his head.

The store manager, who has seen all this, thinks this is quite strange. So, he decides to find out what’s going on. The store manager approaches the blind man swinging the dog and says, “Pardon me. May I help you with something.”

The blind man says, “No thanks. I’m just looking around.”

A mouse and a lion walk were in a bar, drinking a few beers when a giraffe walked in.
“Get a load of her” said the mouse, “what a babe!”
“Well, why not try your luck?” replied the lion.
So the mouse went over to the giraffe and started talking to her. Within five
minutes they’re out the door and into the night. The next day, the lion was drinking in the bar, when the mouse staggered in. The
mouse is completely worn out, and can hardly hold himself up. The lion helped his pal up on to a stool, poured a drink down his
throat and said, “What the hell happened to you? I saw you leave with the giraffe, what happened after that? Was she all right?”
The mouse replied, “Yeah, she was really something, we went out to dinner, had a couple of glasses of wine, and she invited me back
to her place to spend the night. And oh, man! I’ve never had a night like it!”
“But how come you look like you’re so exhausted?” asked the lion.
“Well” said the mouse, “between the kissing and the screwing, I must have run a thousand miles!”



© 2015 ijokedb.com