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Q: When is a fin not a fin?
A: When it is a dolphin.

Q: What is shaggy, has a wand, huge wings, flies at night, and gives money to Woolly Mammoths?

A: The tusk fairy!

This bear and this rabbit were talking.

The bear asked the rabbit, “Do you have trouble with poop sticking to your fur?”

The rabbit said, “No.”

So the bear picked up the rabbit and used it to wipe his butt.

A man was driving down the road in the country. He looked over and saw a baby pig in the field. He stopped and picked up the pig. He was driving around town with the pig in the car and a cop sees him and pulls him over. Cop says “Hey, What are you doing with that pig in the car?”, driver says “Well, I just found the pig beside the road in the field.”, cop says” I want you to take that pig to the zoo!” the driver agrees he will take the pig to the zoo. So the next day the cop sees the guy driving around again and pulls him over. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO TAKE THAT PIG TO THE ZOO!” reply, “Well I did take the pig to the zoo. We had such a good time we are going to the ball game now.”

A middle-aged man recieves a brazillian parrot for his birthday. The only problem with this parrot is its attitude due to the influence of its former owner, who is now a deceased truck driver.

The parrot loves to swear up and down at everything it sees. One day the man comes home with a gorgeous woman for a candle lit dinner. The first thing the parrot says is ” Hey bitch how much for a handjob”. She takes one look at our middle-aged friend, and runs out the door.

The next night, Our friend is visited by his mother. The parrot opens up with,”I’ll suck that crusty coin-slot crack of yours for a senior citizen discount, if you lose that over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder, and wiggle those droopy dum dums for me. Our friend recieves a smack that leaves a fire-engine-red print, followed by a future threat from his father.

Well Our frustrated friend can stands no more. He grabs the little motherfucker and throws it into the freezer. After about 15 minutes of swearing and kicking from the bad bird, all is quiet. Another 5 min of silence passes by. Our friend gets curious and opens the fridge. The bird calmly perches on his finger.

“Have you learned your lesson?”, he sternly said.

All the parrot can say is “I sure have. I just have one question. What the Fuck happened to the chicken?

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