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Q: How does a frog feel when he has a broken leg?
A: Unhoppy.

* Thou shalt not jump onto the keyboard when thy human is on the modem.

* Thou shalt not pull the phone cord out of the back of the modem.

* Thou shalt not unroll all of the toilet paper off the roll.

* Thou shalt not sit in front of the television or monitor as thou are transparent.

* Thou shalt not projectile vomit from the top of the refrigerator.

* Thou shalt not walk in on a dinner party and commence licking thy butt.

* Thou shalt not lie down with thy butt in thy human’s face.

* Thou shalt not leap from great heights onto thy human’s genital region.

* Fast as thou are, thou cannot run through closed doors.

* Thou shalt not reset thy human’s alarm clock by walking on it.

* Thou shalt not climb on the garbage can with the hinged lid, as thou wilt fall in and trap thyself.

* Thou shalt not jump onto the toilet seat just as thy human is sitting down.

* Thou shalt not jump onto thy sleeping human’s bladder at 4a.m.

* Thou shalt realize that the house is not a prison from which to escape at any opportunity.

* Thou shalt not trip thy humans even if they are walking too slow.

* Thou shalt not push open the bathroom door when there are guests in thy house.

* Thou shalt remember that thou are a carnivore and that houseplants are not meat.

* Thou shalt show remorse when being scolded.

Q: How do you know if your cat has eaten a duckling?
A: She’s got that down in the mouth look!

A tomcat was heard running up and down the
alley for hours. A neighbor called his owner and
asked what was happening. The owner said, “Well,
I had him fixed today, and he’s going around
canceling all his engagements.”

One hot July day we found this old straggly cat at our door. She was a sorry site. Starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny and hair all matted down. We felt sorry for her, and put her in a carrier and took her to the Vet. She had no name so we named her pussy cat. The Vet decided to keep her for a day or so and said he would let us know when we could come and get her.

My husband, the complainer said, “OK, but don’t forget to wash her, she stinks.”

My husband and my Vet don’t see eye to eye. He calls my hubby El Cheap-O, and my hubby calls him El Take-O.

The next day hubby had an appointment with his Doctor, which is located next door to the Vet. The Doctor’s office was full of people waiting to see the Doctor.

The door opened and in popped the vet and announces to my hubby, “Your wife’s pussy is finally shaved and clean. She now smells like a rose. And by the way, I think she is pregnant. God knows who the father is!”

© 2015