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A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me… They must be gods!

A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me… I must be a god!

A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said, “Boy, I wish you could talk.”

The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down and gave a little monkey yell.

“You can understand what I’m saying?” asked the officer. Again, the monkey shook his head up and down and made his noises..

“Well, did you see this?”

“Yes,” motioned the monkey.

“What happened?”

The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth.

“They were drinking?” asked the officer.

“Yes,” the monkey nodded.

“What else?”

The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth.

“They were smoking marijuana?”

“Yes.”

“What else?”

The monkey motioned a sexual act.

“They were screwing, too?” asked the astounded officer.

“Yes.”

“Now wait a minute. You’re saying your owners were drinking, smoking and screwing before they wrecked?”

“Yes.”

“What were you doing during all this?”

“Driving,” motioned the monkey.

Q: What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room?
A: Odor in the court.

A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, “Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots but they only know
how to say one thing.”
“What do they say?” the priest inquired.
“They say, “Hi, we’re prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?”
“That’s obscene!” the priest exclaimed, “I can see why you are embarrassed.” He thought a minute and then said, “You know,
I may have a solution to this problem. I have two male parrots whom I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two
parrots over to my house and we will put them in the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and
worship. I’m sure your parrots will stop saying that…that phrase in no time.”
“Thank you,” the woman responded, “this may very well be the solution.”
The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest’s house. As he ushered her in, she saw this two male parrots were
inside their cage, hold their rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them. After just
a couple of seconds, the female parrots exclaimed out in unison, “Hi, we’re prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?”
There was a stunned silence. Finally, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and said, “Put the beads away, Francis,
our prayers have been answered!”

Q: Why did the bunny eat the wedding ring?

A: Because he heard it was 18 carrots!



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