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On the first day of creation, God created the cat…
On the second day, God created man to serve the cat…
On the third day, God created all the animals of the earth to serve as
potential food for the cat…

On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could labor
for the good of the cat…
On the fifth day, God created the sparkle ball so that the cat might
or might not play with it…
On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep the cat
healthy and the man broke…
On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but He had to scoop the litterbox…

Yes, it’s a cat’s world after all. Amen!

An elephant was having a horrible time in the jungle because a horsefly kept biting near her tail and there was nothing she could do about it. It was far out of reach.
A sparrow saw this and killed the horsefly with its beak.
“Oh, thank you!” said the elephant.
“My, pleasure ma’am.” said the sparrow.
“Listen, Mr. Sparrow, if there’s anything I can ever do for you, don’t hesitate to ask.”
The sparrow said, “Well, all my life I wondered how it would feel to fuck an elephant.”
“Be my guest!”, said the elephant.
So the sparrow flew behind the elephant and started fucking. In the trees above, a monkey in the tree saw this and became very excited. He started to masturbate, shaking a coconut loose and it fell from the tree, hitting the elephant on the head.
“OUCH!”, said the elephant.
Then sparrow looked over from behind and said, “Am I hurting you, dear?”

* Cats do what they want.

* They rarely listen to you.

* They’re totally unpredictable.

* They whine when they are not happy.

* When you want to play, they want to be alone.

* When you want to be alone, they want to play.

* They expect you to cater to their every whim.

* They’re moody.

* They leave hair everywhere.

* They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg.

Conclusion: They’re tiny women in little fur coats.

What is a Dog?

* Dogs lie around all day, sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house.

* They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don’t hear you when you’re in the same room.

* They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.

* They growl when they are not happy.

* When you want to play, they want to play.

* When you want to be alone, they want to play.

* They are great at begging.

* They will love you forever if you rub their tummies.

* They leave their toys everywhere.

* They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss.

Conclusion: They’re tiny men in little fur coats.

This man goes into the doctor with his ringhole in a terrible state,
really bad now.
Doctor: “What happened to you?”
He says: “I was in Africa on safari and I got raped by an elephant!”
Doctor: “But I don’t understand. Elephant penises are very narrow and
couldn’t cause that much damage!”
He says “Aah but you see doctor, he fingered me first!”

An aquarium is just interactive television for cats.

Anything on the ground is a cat toy. Anything not there yet, will be.

At least dogs do what you tell them to do. Cats take a message and get back to you.

Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it for ever. Buy a cat a present and it will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes.

Cat’s motto: No matter what you’ve done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it.

Cat rule #2: Bite the hand that won’t feed you fast enough.

Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.

Cats aren’t clean, they’re just covered with cat spit.

Cats don’t hunt seals. They would if they knew what they were and where to find them. But they don’t, so that’s all right.

Cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.

Cats know what we feel. They don’t care, but they know.

Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want.

Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.

Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God.

I had to get rid of my wife. The cat was allergic.

I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior.

In a cat’s eye, all things belong to cats.

On the Internet, nobody knows you’re a cat.

One cat just leads to another.

People that hate cats will come back as mice in their next life.

Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well.

There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats.

When I wash the cat, it takes me hours to get the hair off my tongue.



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