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There were three city mice sitting at a bar. The first mouse takes a shot of tequila, slams the glass on the table and says, “I’m the toughest mouse in this city. I’m so tough that I walk throughout the house collecting mouse poison, return to my nest and grind up the pellets with my morning coffee – just for an extra jolt to start off each day.”

The mice look at each other. The second mouse slams his whiskey, throws his glass on the floor and says, “I’m the toughest mouse in this city. I’m so tough that I go up to the trap outside my nest, I trip the lever and make the trap flip in the air, I catch the bar on its way down, bench press it a few times, twirl it over and over with my feet – then I toss it to the floor, and take the cheese for breakfast. It’s all part of my morning routine.”

The third mouse looks at the other two. Bored with the conversation, he sets down his glass of beer and says, “I’ve had enough of you two. I’m going to go home and screw the cat.”

A beer was spilt on the barroom floor,
And the bar was closed for the night…
And out of his hole, crawled a little brown mouse,
Who made a funny sight…
He lapped up that beer, on the barroom floor,
And back on his haunches he sat…
And all through the night you could hear him yell,
“Bring on the damn cat!”

A mouse and a lion walk were in a bar, drinking a few beers when a giraffe walked in.
“Get a load of her” said the mouse, “what a babe!”
“Well, why not try your luck?” replied the lion.
So the mouse went over to the giraffe and started talking to her. Within five
minutes they’re out the door and into the night. The next day, the lion was drinking in the bar, when the mouse staggered in. The
mouse is completely worn out, and can hardly hold himself up. The lion helped his pal up on to a stool, poured a drink down his
throat and said, “What the hell happened to you? I saw you leave with the giraffe, what happened after that? Was she all right?”
The mouse replied, “Yeah, she was really something, we went out to dinner, had a couple of glasses of wine, and she invited me back
to her place to spend the night. And oh, man! I’ve never had a night like it!”
“But how come you look like you’re so exhausted?” asked the lion.
“Well” said the mouse, “between the kissing and the screwing, I must have run a thousand miles!”

A mother mouse and a baby mouse are walking along, when all of a sudden, a cat attacks them.
The mother mouse goes, “BARK!” and the cat runs away.
“See?” says the mother mouse to her baby. “Now do you see why it’s important to learn a foreign language?”

An Eagle is circling at about 5,000 ft. when he spies a field mouse down below him. He dives down and eats the mouse. After a little while the mouse works his way out the eagles butt. Proceeding to look around the mouse says: “Tail gunner to pilot…Tail gunner to pilot..”
The eagle says “What do you want?”
The mouse asks how high up they are.
The eagle thinks for a Moment and then says “ohh about 5,000 ft.”
The mouse then replies “You wouldn’t be shittin me now would ya?”



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