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There were three city mice sitting at a bar. The first mouse takes a shot of tequila, slams the glass on the table and says, “I’m the toughest mouse in this city. I’m so tough that I walk throughout the house collecting mouse poison, return to my nest and grind up the pellets with my morning coffee — just for an extra jolt to start off each day.”

The mice look at each other. The second mouse slams his whiskey, throws his glass on the floor and says, “I’m the toughest mouse in this city. I’m so tough that I go up to the trap outside my nest, I trip the lever and make the trap flip in the air, I catch the bar on its way down, bench press it a few times, twirl it over and over with my feet — then I toss it to the floor, and take the cheese for breakfast. It’s all part of my morning routine.”

The third mouse looks at the other two. Bored with the conversation, he sets down his glass of beer and says, “I’ve had enough of you two. I’m going to go home and screw the cat.”

One night a man heard howls coming from his basement and went down to discover a female cat being raped by a mouse. Fascinated by
what he saw, the man gained the mouse’s confidence with some cheese and then took him next door. The mouse repeated his amazing
performance by raping a German Sheppard. The man, very excited by this, was dying to show someone his discovery. He rushed home
and woke up his wife but before he could explain, she saw the mouse, screamed, and covered her head with the blanket.
“Don’t be afraid, darling,” said the man. “Wait until I tell you about this.”
“Get out of here!” cried his wife. “And take that sex maniac with you!”

I always know when it’s the mother in law knocking at the door the mice throw themselves in the traps.

Three mice are sitting in a bar talking about how tough they are. The first mouse slams down a shot and says, “I play with mouse
traps for fun. I’ll run into one on purpose and as it’s closing on me, I grab the bar and bench press it twenty or thirty times.”
And with that he slams another shot.
The second mouse slams down a shot and says, “That’s nothing. I take those Decon tablets, cut ‘em up, and snort ‘em just for the
fun of it.” And with that he slams another shot.
The third mouse slams down a shot, gets up and walks away. The first two mice look at each other, and then turn to the third
mouse and ask, “Where the hell are you going?”
The third mouse stops and replies, “I’m going home to fuck the cat.”

A beer was spilt on the barroom floor,
And the bar was closed for the night…
And out of his hole, crawled a little brown mouse,
Who made a funny sight…
He lapped up that beer, on the barroom floor,
And back on his haunches he sat…
And all through the night you could hear him yell,
“Bring on the damn cat!”



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