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Q: What kind of monkeys grow on vines?

A: Grey apes

This guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in his tree. He looks in the phone book for a gorilla removal service until he
finds one.
“Is it a boy or girl Gorilla?” the service guy asks.
“Boy,” is the man’s response.
“Oh yeah, I can do it. I’ll be right there,” says the service guy. An hour later the service guy shows up with a stick, a Chihuahua,
a shotgun, and a pair of handcuffs. He then gives the man some nstructions: “Now, I’m going to climb this tree and poke the gorilla
with the stick until he falls. When he does, the trained Chihuahua will bite the gorilla’s testicles off. The gorilla will then cross
his hands to protect himself and allow you to put the handcuffs on him.”
The man asks, “What do I do with the shotgun?”
The service guy replies, “If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla, shoot the Chihuahua.”

One day the zoo-keeper noticed that “Cheech” the orang-utang was reading
two books — the Bible and Darwin’s Origin of Species.
In surprise he asked the ape, “Why are you reading both those books”?
“Well,” said the orang-utang, “I just wanted to know if I was my brother’s
keeper or my keeper’s brother.”

A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a
little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said “I
wish you could talk.”
The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down.
“You can understand what I’m saying?” asked the officer.
Again, the monkey shook his head up and down.

“Well, did you see this?”
“Yes,” motioned the monkey.
“What happened?”
The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth.
“They were drinking?” asked the officer.
“Yes.”
“What else?”
The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth.
“They were smoking marijuana?”
“Yes.”
“What else?”
The monkey motioned “Screwing.”
“They were screwing, too?” asked the astounded officer.
“Yes.”
“Now wait, you’re saying your owners were drinking, smoking and screwing before they wrecked.”
“Yes.”
“What were you doing during all this?”
“Driving” motioned the monkey.

A man walked into a bar with his pet monkey. The bartender said, “You can’t bring that monkey in here!”
The man said, “Don’t worry, he won’t cause any trouble.”

Within seconds the monkey jumped on the pool table and swallowed the cue ball. The bartender yelled, “Hey, he just ate
my cue ball. No one can play pool anymore! Get out!”
The man left but came back one week later with his monkey. He apologized to the bartender and promised no more trouble.
The bartender let him and the monkey stay.
Later that night, the monkey walked over to a bowl of grapes, put one in his ass, and then ate it. The bartender said,
“That’s disgusting! Why did he do that!”
The man said, “Since he swallowed the cue ball, he sizes everything up before he eats it.”



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