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I went for a job interview as a Blacksmith yesterday, he said ‘Have you ever shoe’d a horse?’

I said ‘No, but I’ve told a donkey to fuck off …’

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can’t be found. So he drives the farmer’s Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking!
A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer.
The horse said, “I think I can stand over the hole!” So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, “Grab for my ‘thingy’ and pull yourself up.” And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.
The moral of the story: If you are hung like a horse, you don’t need a Mercedes to pick up chicks.

A blonde bought two horses, and could never remember which was which. A neighbor suggested that she cut the tail of one horse and that worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush. It tore just right and looked exactly like the other horse’s tail and our friend was stuck again.
The neighbor suggested she notch the ear off one horse. That worked fine until the other horse caught his ear on a barbed wire fence. Once again our friend couldn’t tell them apart. The neighbor suggested she measure the horses for height. When she did, she was very pleased to find that the white horse was 2 inches taller than the black.

This man had always wanted a horse, so one day he went into the country and found a rancher who sold horses. The rancher, having only one horse to sell, said, “This horse is very different because it grew up in a religous place and to get it to go, you have to say ‘Praise the Lord’ and to get it to stop, you have to say ‘Amen’” So the man said he’d take it.
As he was riding home, he came to a 200-foot drop. In panic, he yelled “Whoa!” but the horse did not stop.
Then he remebered what the rancher told him. “Amen!!!” he yelled. Thankfully, the horse stopped immediately.
The greatly relieved man, realizing how close he had come to falling over the edge of the drop, looked up at the sky and exclaimed “Praise the Lord!”

A travelling salesman stopped alongside a field on a country road to rest a few minutes.
The man had just closed his eyes when a horse came to the fence and began to boast about his past. “Yes sir, I’m a fine horse. I’ve run in 25 races and won over £5 million. I keep my trophies in the barn.”
The salesman worked out the value of having a talking horse, found the horse’s owner and offered a handsome sum for the animal.
“Oh, you don’t want that horse,” said the farmer.
“Yes I do,” said the salesman, “and I’ll give you £10,000 for the horse.”
Recognising a good deal, the farmer said without hesitation, “He’s yours.”
While he wrote out his cheque, the salesman asked, “By the way, why wouldn’t I want your horse?”
“Because,” said the farmer, “he’s a liar – he hasn’t won a race in his life.”

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