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* Aristotle: To actualize its potential.

* Roseanne Barr: Urrrrrp. What chicken?

* George Bush: To face a kinder, gentler thousand points of headlights.

* Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken- nature.

* Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence.

* Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

* Bob Dylan: How many roads must one chicken cross?

* Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn’t cross the road; it transcended it.

* Gerald R. Ford: It probably fell from an airplane and couldn’t stop its forward Momentum.

* Robert Frost: To cross the road less traveled by.

* Johann Friedrich von Goethe: The eternal hen- principle made it do it.

* Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

* Lee Iacocca: It found a better car, which was on the other side of the road.

* John Paul Jones: It has not yet begun to cross!

* James Joyce: Once upon a time a nice little chicken named baby tuckoo crossed the road and met a moocow coming down…

* Gilligan: The traffic started getting rough; the chicken had to cross. If not for the plumage of its peerless tail – the chicken would be lost. The chicken would be lost!

* Immanuel Kant: Because it was a duty.

* Martin Luther King: It had a dream.

* Capt. James T. Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

* Mr. Scott: ‘Cos ma wee transporter beam was na functioning properly. Ah canna work miracles, Captain!

* Stan Laurel: I’m sorry, Ollie. It escaped when I opened the run.

* Gottfried Von Leibniz: In this best possible world, the road was made for it to cross.

* Groucho Marx: Chicken? What’s all this talk about chicken? Why, I had an uncle who thought he was a chicken. My aunt almost divorced him, but we needed the eggs.

* Karl Marx: To escape the bourgeois middle- class struggle.

* Moses: Know ye that it is unclean to eat the chicken that has crossed the road and that the chicken that crosseth the road doth so for its own preservation.

* Alfred E. Neumann: What? Me worry?

* Sir Isaac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross the road.

* Thomas Paine: Out of common sense.

* Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?

* Ayn Rand: It was crossing the road because of its own rational choice to do so. There cannot be a collective unconscious; desires are unique to each individual.

* Ronald Reagan: I forget.

* John Sununu: The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.

* William Shakespeare: I don’t know why, but methinks I could rattle off a hundred- line soliloquy without much ado.

* Socrates: To pick up some hemlock at the corner druggist.

* Mr. T: If you saw me coming you’d cross the road too!

* Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

* Mae West: I invited it to come up and see me sometime.

* Walt Whitman: To cluck the song of itself.

* William Wordsworth: To have something to recollect in tranquility.

* Henny Youngman: Take this chicken … please.

A chicken goes into a library and says, “Bok,” so the librarian gives it a book. Ten minutes later the same chicken comes in
again and says, “Bok bok.” The librarian gives the chicken two books, but being a bit curious, follows the chicken down the
road where the chicken meets a frog. The frog says to the chicken, “Redit, redit!”

A man was driving along a freeway when he noticed a chicken running along side his car. He was amazed to see the chicken keeping up with him because he was doing 50 MPH. He accelerated to 60 and the chicken stayed right next to him. He speeded up to 75 MPH and the chicken passed him up. The man noticed the chicken had three legs. So, he followed to chicken down a road and ended up at a farm. He got out of his car and saw that all the chickens had three legs.
He asked the farmer “What’s up with these chickens?”
The farmer said “Well, everybody likes chicken legs. I bred a three legged bird. I’m going to be a millionaire.”
The man asked him how they tasted.
The farmer said “Don’t know, haven’t caught one yet.”

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can’t be found. So he drives the farmer’s Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking!
A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer.
The horse said, “I think I can stand over the hole!” So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, “Grab for my ‘thingy’ and pull yourself up.” And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.
The moral of the story: If you are hung like a horse, you don’t need a Mercedes to pick up chicks.

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken, with a satisfied smile on it’s face, is leaning up against the headboard
smoking a ciggy.
The egg, looking pissed off, grabs the sheets, rolls over, and says “Well I guess we just answered THAT question!”



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