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One day at the end of class little Billy’s teacher has the class go home and think of a story and then conclude the moral of that story. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell a story.

Suzy said, “Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road.”

The teacher asks for the moral of the story.
Suzy replies, “Don’t keep all your eggs in one basket.”

Next is little Lucy. “Well, my dad owns a farm too and every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only 8 of the 12 eggs hatched.”
The teacher asks for the moral of the story.

Lucy replies “Don’t count your chickens before they’re hatched.”

Last is little Billy. “My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war; his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed with only a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete. On the way down he drank the case of beer. Unfortunately, he landed right in the middle of 100 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun but ran out of bullets, so he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. The blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands”.

The teacher looks in shock at Billy and asks if there is possibly any moral to his story.
Billy replies, “Don’t fuck with uncle Ted when he’s been drinking.”

Q: What’s a chicken in a hot tub?

A: Soup

* Aristotle: To actualize its potential.

* Roseanne Barr: Urrrrrp. What chicken?

* George Bush: To face a kinder, gentler thousand points of headlights.

* Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken- nature.

* Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence.

* Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

* Bob Dylan: How many roads must one chicken cross?

* Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn’t cross the road; it transcended it.

* Gerald R. Ford: It probably fell from an airplane and couldn’t stop its forward Momentum.

* Robert Frost: To cross the road less traveled by.

* Johann Friedrich von Goethe: The eternal hen- principle made it do it.

* Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

* Lee Iacocca: It found a better car, which was on the other side of the road.

* John Paul Jones: It has not yet begun to cross!

* James Joyce: Once upon a time a nice little chicken named baby tuckoo crossed the road and met a moocow coming down…

* Gilligan: The traffic started getting rough; the chicken had to cross. If not for the plumage of its peerless tail – the chicken would be lost. The chicken would be lost!

* Immanuel Kant: Because it was a duty.

* Martin Luther King: It had a dream.

* Capt. James T. Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

* Mr. Scott: ‘Cos ma wee transporter beam was na functioning properly. Ah canna work miracles, Captain!

* Stan Laurel: I’m sorry, Ollie. It escaped when I opened the run.

* Gottfried Von Leibniz: In this best possible world, the road was made for it to cross.

* Groucho Marx: Chicken? What’s all this talk about chicken? Why, I had an uncle who thought he was a chicken. My aunt almost divorced him, but we needed the eggs.

* Karl Marx: To escape the bourgeois middle- class struggle.

* Moses: Know ye that it is unclean to eat the chicken that has crossed the road and that the chicken that crosseth the road doth so for its own preservation.

* Alfred E. Neumann: What? Me worry?

* Sir Isaac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross the road.

* Thomas Paine: Out of common sense.

* Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?

* Ayn Rand: It was crossing the road because of its own rational choice to do so. There cannot be a collective unconscious; desires are unique to each individual.

* Ronald Reagan: I forget.

* John Sununu: The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.

* William Shakespeare: I don’t know why, but methinks I could rattle off a hundred- line soliloquy without much ado.

* Socrates: To pick up some hemlock at the corner druggist.

* Mr. T: If you saw me coming you’d cross the road too!

* Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

* Mae West: I invited it to come up and see me sometime.

* Walt Whitman: To cluck the song of itself.

* William Wordsworth: To have something to recollect in tranquility.

* Henny Youngman: Take this chicken … please.

A chicken goes into a library and says, “Bok,” so the librarian gives it a book. Ten minutes later the same chicken comes in
again and says, “Bok bok.” The librarian gives the chicken two books, but being a bit curious, follows the chicken down the
road where the chicken meets a frog. The frog says to the chicken, “Redit, redit!”

A man was driving along a freeway when he noticed a chicken running along side his car. He was amazed to see the chicken keeping up with him because he was doing 50 MPH. He accelerated to 60 and the chicken stayed right next to him. He speeded up to 75 MPH and the chicken passed him up. The man noticed the chicken had three legs. So, he followed to chicken down a road and ended up at a farm. He got out of his car and saw that all the chickens had three legs.
He asked the farmer “What’s up with these chickens?”
The farmer said “Well, everybody likes chicken legs. I bred a three legged bird. I’m going to be a millionaire.”
The man asked him how they tasted.
The farmer said “Don’t know, haven’t caught one yet.”



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