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Q: What do you call two skunks doing “69”?

A: Odor eaters.

A little girl was out with her Grandmother when they came across a couple of dogs mating on the sidewalk.
“What are they doing, Grandma?” asked the little girl.

The grandmother was embarrased, so she said, “The dog on top has hurt his paw, and the one underneath is carrying him to the doctor.”

They’re just like people, aren’t they Grandma?” said the little one.

“How do you mean?” asked the Grandma.

“Offer someone a helping hand,” said the little girl, “and they fuck you everytime!”

Q: What birds spend all their time on their knees?

A: Birds of prey!

A man took his Rottweiler to the vet and said “My dog’s cross- eyed, is there anything you can do for him?”
“Well,” said the vet, “lets have a look at him.” So he picks the dog up and has a good look at its eyes.
“Hmm,” says the vet, “I’m going to have to put him down”
“Just because he’s cross-eyed?” says the man.
“No, because he’s heavy,” says the vet.

Q: What is the difference between an elephant and a flea?
A: An elephant can have fleas but a flea can’t have elephants!

Q: Why did the elephant paint his toenails red?
A: So he could hide in the cherry tree!

Q: How do you know when there is an elephant under your bed?
A: When your nose touches the ceiling!

Q: What do you call an elephant that flies?
A: A jumbo jet!

Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?
A: Big holes all over Australia!

Q: How does an elephant get down from a tree?
A: He sits on a leaf and waits till autumn!

Q: Why did the elephant paint himself with different colours?
A: Because he wanted to hide in the colouring box!

Q: Why were the elephants thrown out of the swimming pool?
A: Because they couldn’t hold their trunks up!

Q: What time is it when an elephant sits on the fence?
A: Time to fix the fence!

Q: Why does an elephant wear sneakers?
A: So that he can sneak up on mice!

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