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Q: Why does a dog lick his balls?
A: Because he can’t make a fist.

Tourist guide at ZOO:
“Ladies and gentlemen, this is the elephant, the largest animal to roam the lands. Every day the elephant eats 3 dozen bunches of bananas, 6 tons of hay, and 2000 pounds of assorted fruits. Madam, please don’t stand near the elephant’s backside…. Madam, PLEASE don’t stand near the elephant’s backside … MADAM … MADAM …, too late; George, dig her out.”

Three mice are sitting in a bar talking about how tough they are. The first mouse slams down a shot and says, “I play with mouse
traps for fun. I’ll run into one on purpose and as it’s closing on me, I grab the bar and bench press it twenty or thirty times.”
And with that he slams another shot.
The second mouse slams down a shot and says, “That’s nothing. I take those Decon tablets, cut ’em up, and snort ’em just for the
fun of it.” And with that he slams another shot.
The third mouse slams down a shot, gets up and walks away. The first two mice look at each other, and then turn to the third
mouse and ask, “Where the hell are you going?”
The third mouse stops and replies, “I’m going home to fuck the cat.”

Q: Ten sled dogs shared one umbrella, yet none got wet. Why?
A: It wasn’t raining. (There’s no drownpour here – the Arctic is a desert.)

Q: What do you get if you cross a Woolly Mammoth and a kangaroo?

A: Big holes all over the ice!



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