Q: What’s orange on the inside and clear on the outside?
A: A pumpkin in a plastic bag!
1,437 views |  |
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Read all jokes from:Halloween (+1180), Q & A (+15915)
Q: What kind of street does a ghost like best?
A: A dead end.
1,401 views | |
Read all jokes from:Animals (+5199), Q & A (+15915)
Q: What is the thirstiest frog in the world?
A: The one who drinks Canada Dry!
1,393 views | |
Read all jokes from:Unsorted Jokes (+32484)
Q: How many board meetings does it take to get a light bulb changed?
A: This topic was resumed from last week’s discussion, but is incomplete pending resolution of some action items. It will be continued next week. Meanwhile…
1,241 views | |
Read all jokes from:Women (+407)
The husband says, “I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.”
The wife says, “I’ll miss you.”
1,129 views | |
Read all jokes from:Redneck (+1459)
Big Jimbo sauntered into his local Post Office, and noticed a new sign on the wall:
MAN WANTED FOR ROBBERY IN MONTANA
“Dang it!” he said, “…if only that job was in Texas, Ah’d be a takin it!”
1,113 views | |
Read all jokes from:Family (+438)
When I was very little
All the Grandmas that I knew
All walked around this world
In ugly grandma shoes.
You know the ones I speak of,
those black clunky heeled kind,
They just looked so very awful
That it weighed upon my mind,
For I knew, when I grew old .
I’d have to wear those shoes,
I’d think of that, from time to time
It seemed like such bad news.
I never was a rebel,
I wore saddle shoes to school,
And next came ballerinas
Then the sandals, pretty cool.
And then came spikes with pointed toes
Then platforms, very tall,
As each new fashion came along
I wore them, one and all.
But always, in the distance,
Looming in my future, there,
Was that awful pair of ugly shoes,
The kind that Grandmas wear.
I eventually got married
And then I became a Mom
Our kids grew up and left,
And when their children came along,
I knew I was a Grandma
And the time was drawing near
When those clunky, black, old lace up shoes
Was what I’d have to wear.
How would I do my gardening
Or take my morning hike?
I couldn’t even think about
How I would ride my bike!
But fashions kept evolving
And one day I realized
That the shape of things to come
Was changing, right before my eyes.
And now, when I go shopping
What I see, fills me with glee
For, in my jeans and Reeboks
I’m as comfy as can be.
And I look at all these teenage girls
And there, upon their feet
Are clunky, black, old Grandma shoes,
And they really think they’re neat.
1,106 views | |
Read all jokes from:Sex (+4813)
A man named Mike went over to his friend’s house and rang the bell. His friend’s wife, Nora, answered the door.
“Hi, is Tony home?” he asked her.
“No, he went to the store.”
“Well, you mind if I wait?”
“No, come on in.”
They sat down and shortly Mike said, “You know, Nora, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I’d give you a hundred bucks if I could see just one.”
Nora thought about this for a second, and thought about how badly they needed the money right now. She opened her robe and exposed one. Mike promptly thanked her and put $100 on the table.
They sat there a while longer, and Mike said, “They are so beautiful! I’d love to see the both of them. I’ll give you another 100 bucks if I could just see both of them together.”
Nora thought about this for a moment, then opened her robe and gave Mike a nice big look. Mike thanked her and threw another $100 on the table. Then he said he couldn’t wait any longer for Tony and left.
A while later, Tony arrived and Nora said, “You know, your weird friend Mike came over while you were gone.”
Tony turned and said, “Good. Did he drop off the $200 he owed me?”
1,056 views |  |
Read all jokes from:Jewish (+6998)
Benny is in a restaurant, calls over the waiter and asks, “Oy, do you have matzoh balls?”
“No,” replies the waiter, “I always walk like this.”
1,053 views | |
Read all jokes from:Kids (+2427)
After putting her children to bed, a mother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. At last she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings.
As she left the room, she heard her three-year-old say with a trembling voice, “Who was *that*?”
1,026 views | |