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Related:  Sex (+4813)      

One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a Lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into a saloon in the nearest town. “I’m lookin’ for the meanest toughest and roughest hooker in the Yukon,” he said to the bartender.

“We got her,” replied the bartender. “She’s upstairs in the second room on the right.”

The miner handed the bartender a gold nugget to pay for the hooker and two beers . He grabbed the bottles, stomped up the stairs, kicked the door open on the second door on the right and yelled, “I’m looking for the meanest roughest and toughest hooker in the Yukon.”

The woman inside the room looked at the miner and said, “You found her!”

Then she stripped naked, bent over and grabbed her ankles. “How do you know I want that position first?” asked the miner.

“I don’t,” replied the hooker. “But I thought you might want to open those beers first.”

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Related:  Politics (+3832)      

Clinton and The Pope were on the same flight and the plane crashed, killing both of them. Clinton was accidentally sent to heaven and The Pope was sent to hell. God realized the mistake 20 minutes later and transferred Bill to hell and The Pope to heaven. As they were crossing over they passed one another and The Pope said, “I’m sure glad they recognized the error, I was looking forward to meeting The Virgin Mary.” Bill replied, while looking at his watch, “You just missed her about 15 minutes ago.”

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32431)      

A small boy is sent to bed by his father…

[Five minutes later]

“Da-ad…”

“What?”

“I’m thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?”

“No. You had your chance. Lights out.”

[Five minutes later]

“Da-aaaad…”

“WHAT?”

“I’m THIRSTY…Can I have a drink of water??”

“I told you NO! If you ask again I’ll have to spank you!!”

[Five minutes later]

“Daaaa-aaaAAAAD…”

“WHAT??!!”

“When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?”

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Related:  Blonde (+4662), Q & A (+15906)      

Q: What did the blonde’s right leg say to the left leg?
A: Nothing. They’ve never met.

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Related:  Animals (+5195)      

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to find the farmer, but the farmer can’t be found.

So the chicken drives the farmer’s Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to the horse and drives forward saving him from sinking!

A few days later the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and this time the chicken fell into a mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, “I think I can stand over the hole!” So the horse stretched over the width of the mud hole and said, “Grab my ding dong and pull yourself up.” The chicken did and pulled himself to safety.

The Moral of the Story: If you are hung like a horse, you don’t need a Mercedes to pick up chicks!

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