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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32428)      

Things You’d Love to Say at Work!
1. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be………..?
2. Do I look like a people person?
3. This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting!
4. I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.
5. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
6. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
7. You!……..Off my planet.
8. Does your train of thought have a caboose?
9. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
10. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
11. A PBS mind in an MTV world.
12. Allow me to introduce my selves.
13. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
14. I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
15. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
16. Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven’t fallen asleep yet.
17. Can I trade this job for what’s behind door #1?
18. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
19. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
20. Chaos, Panic, and Disorder …….. My work here is done.
21. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
22. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32428)      

Q: Where does Princess Leia go shopping for clothing and such?
A: At the Darth Maul, of course.

@Star Wars

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Related:  Jewish (+6996)      

Ruth and Golda were walking along Hendon High Street.
Ruth says, “My son Irving is getting married. He tells me he is engaged to a wonderful girl, but… he thinks she may have a disease called herpes.
Golda says, “Do you have any idea what this herpes is, and can he catch it?”
Ruth replies, “No, but I am just so thrilled to hear about Irving’s engagement – it’s time he settled down. As far as the herpes goes… who knows?”
“Well,” says Golda, “I have a very good medical dictionary at home. I’ll look it up and call you.”
So Golda goes home, looks it up, and calls Ruth. “Ruth, I found it. Not to worry. It says herpes is a disease of the gentiles.”

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Related:  Law (+1200)      

A long New Orleans style funeral procession passes by, but instead of a jazz band, it’s lead by a man walking a lion. Behind the coffin walk at least 200 people.

A bystander asks the man, “What’s going on?”

“My lion ate my lawyer and this is his funeral,” is the reply.

“Could I borrow your lion?” asks the bystander, “I’ve got a lawyer I’d like to have eaten.”

“Sure, get in line.”

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Related:  Construction (+27)      

This construction worker had climbed 20 stories to the job site. Once there he’d asked the foreman if he could go back down to take a leak. Not wanting to lose the time, the foreman balanced on I-beam across another, stood on one end, and told the worker to walk out to the other end to pee.

While the worker was doing his business, the phone rang. The foreman, forgetting what he was doing, stepped off the I-beam and the worker plunged 20 stories to his death.

The next week the safety inspectors came by to conduct a routine investigation into the accident. They talked to the ground crew.

“I think it was sex-related, ” offered one of the crew.

“Sex related? How do you figure that?” said the investigator.

“Well, what made me look up was this guy coming down, dick in his hand, screaming, ‘where did that cocksucker go?’”

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