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At a Texas University, a Professor had been teaching his students human
reproduction. For an exam, one of the questions was: “Female humans are born
with a limited number of eggs, while males, during their lifetime, produce
millions upon millions of sperm. Why are so many sperm produced?” One
young woman’s answer: “Because they won’t ask for directions either.”

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Your gene pool doesn’t have a “deep end.”
Your girl wears a dress that is strapless and a bra that is not.
Your girlfriend has ever called YOUR parents “Ma and Pa”.
Your girlfriend thinks you’re a real gentleman because you only scratch your crotch while playing softball.
Your good deed for the month was hiding your brother for a few days.
Your grandfather can sense a storm coming by a mysterious twitching in his knee.
Your grandfather completely executes the “pull my finger” trick at the family reunion.
Your grandfather died and left everything to his widow. But she can’t touch it until she’s fourteen.
Your grandma can bench press a ruck axle.
Your grandma enters wet t-shrit contests.
Your grandma gives you a wedding present wrapped in Christmas paper.
Your Grandma keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
Your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.
Your grandmother has “Ammo” on her Christmas list.
Your grandmother has ever been asked to leave a bingo game because of her language.
Your grandmother has ever stopped by the side of a highway to take a leak.
Your greatest accomplishment is the 10-pound turnip you grew.
Your guest bedroom is also your tool shed.
Your gun cabinet takes up half your living room.
Your Gynecologist is Ernest.
Your hair is five times as long in the back as it is on top.
Your hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.
Your Halloween jack-o-lantern has more teeth than your wife.
Your handkerchief doubles as your shirt sleeve.
Your high school basketball game got rained out.
Your home has more miles on it than your car.
Your honeymoon was featured on true stories of the highway patrol.
Your horse can count higher than you.
Your horse wears shoes, but you don’t.
Your house doesn’t have curtains, but your truck does.
Your house feels a bit lonely when winter comes and the last fly dies.
Your house has a kickstand.
Your house has more miles on it than your car does.
Your house still has the “WIDE LOAD” sign on the back.
Your houseplants aren’t in pots.
Your huntin dawg had a litter of puppies in the living room and nobody noticed.
Your huntin’ dawg’ cost more than the truck you drive him around in.
Your husband is going out huntin and puts on urin and it turns you on.
Your husband spray paints the upholstery of your car to make it look new.
Your idea of a 7-course meal is a bucket of KFC and a six-pack.
Your idea of a family cookout is the whole family gathering around the Chevy with the hood up.

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Little Johnny’s kindergarden class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board, of the 10 most wanted men.
One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.
“Yes,” said the policeman. “The detectives want him very badly.”
So Little Johnny asked, “Why the fuck didn’t you keep him when you took his picture?”

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“Look at me.” an elderly Yuppie boasted to his guests at his
birthday bash. “I’ve aged like a fine old carefully stored wine.”

“I certainly have to agree with that.” piped-up his obviously long
suffering wife. “Henry’s cork’s been stationary for years.”

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An American tourist is visiting China. After visiting all the tourist
attractions he decides to inquire about the people and askes his guide:
“How large is the population here?”
“Around 1.5 billion” – the guide answers
American, After a short pause: “So, what else do you do here?”

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