Q: What do hillbilly chicks and polar bears have in common?
A: They both lick their paws.
17 views |
 |
Processing your request, Please wait....
May 19, 2012 3:00 am
Read all jokes from: Redneck (+1459)
May 19, 2012 3:00 am
May 19, 2012 3:00 am
Read all jokes from: Ethnic (+692)
2:00 am
There are two State Houses, two City Halls, two courthouses and two Hancock buildings (one old, one new).
Route 128 is also I-95. It is also I-93.
It’s the Sox, The Pats (or Patsies if they’re losing), the Seltz, the Broons.
The underground train is not the subway. It’s the T and it doesn’t run all night (fah chrysakes, this ain’t Noo Yawk).
7 views |
|
2:00 am
Read all jokes from: Jewish (+6995)
1:00 am
Sadie goes to see her rabbi and complains about her bad headaches. She whines, cries, and talks about her poor living conditions for hours.
All of a sudden, Sadie shouts, overjoyed, “Rabbi, your holy presence has cured me! My headache is gone!”
To which the rabbi replies, “No Sadie, it is not gone. I have it now.”
8 views |
|
1:00 am
Read all jokes from: Jewish (+6995)
12:00 am
Rivkah gets into work late one Monday morning and goes to see her boss to apologise. “I’m sorry I’m late, but I had to move some furniture this morning before I came into work. In fact my back is killing me after my efforts.”
“So why didn’t you wait until your husband gets home tonight?” asks her boss.
“I could have,” says Rivkah, “but the couch is easier to move if hes not on it.”
11 views |
|
12:00 am
Read all jokes from: Over the Hill (+599)
May 18, 2012 11:00 pm
The Senate is investigating deceptive sweepstakes practices. These companies target the elderly and make them think they will receive a bunch of money, but in reality they never see any of it.
The most popular of these scams is called Social Security.
10 views |
|
May 18, 2012 11:00 pm
Read all jokes from: Medical (+1843)
10:00 pm
This guy goes to the doctor and says, “Doc, I can’t stop singing certain songs. All morning I’ve been humming ‘The Green, Green Grass Of Home.’ Yesterday it was, ‘Delilah.’ Last week I sang ‘What’s New Pussycat?’ at least 100 times! What’s wrong with me?”
The Doctor says, “Sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome to me.”
The man says, “Never heard of that. Is it common?”
Doc says, “It’s not unusual.”
6 views |
|
10:00 pm
Read all jokes from: Over the Hill (+599)
9:00 pm
After a spring break, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent the holidays. One child wrote the following:
“We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live here in a big brick house, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Arizona. Now they live in a place with a lot of other retarded people. They live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on big tricycles and wear name tags because they don’t know who they are anymore.
“They go to a building called a wrecked center, but they must have got it fixed, because it is all right now. They play games and do exercises there, but they don’t do them very well. There is a swimming pool too, but they all jump up and down in it with their hats on. I guess they don’t know how to swim.
“At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out. Then they go cruising in their golf carts.
“My Grandma used to bake cookies and stuff, but I guess she forgot how. Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And they eat the same thing every night – Early Birds. Some of the people can’t get past the man in the doll house to go out. So the ones who do get out bring food back to the wrecked center and call it pot luck.
“My Grandma says Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded some day too. When I earn my retardment I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out so they can visit their grandchildren.”
8 views |
|
9:00 pm
Read all jokes from: Men vs. Women (+5690)
8:00 pm
A man parked his car at the supermarket and was walking past an empty cart when he heard a woman ask, “Excuse me, did you want that cart?”
“No,” he answered. “I’m only after one thing.”
As he walked toward the store, he heard her murmur, “Typical male.”
11 views |
|
8:00 pm
Read all jokes from: Golf (+379)
7:00 pm
A foursome was on the last hole and when the last golfer drove off the tee he hooked into a cow pasture. He advised his friends to play through and he would meet them at the clubhouse. They followed the plan and waited for their friend.
After a considerable time he appeared disheveled, bloody, and badly beaten up. They all wanted to know what happened.
He explained that he went over to the cow pasture but could not find his ball. He noticed a cow wringing her tail in obvious pain. He went over and lifted her tail and saw a golf ball solidly embedded. It was a yellow ball so he knew it was not his.
A woman comes out of the bushes apparently searching for her lost golf ball. The helpful male golfer lifted the cow’s tail and asked, “Does this look like yours?”
That was the last thing he could remember.
11 views |
|
7:00 pm
Read all jokes from: Lists (+730)
6:00 pm
1. Pluto’s “accident” on Deck 3
2. Room service using Aladdin was getting out of hand.
3. Exterminator killed off “rat” problem only to discover they were Mickey and Minnie’s cousins.
4. Drunken dispute between Donald and The Mighty Ducks over who was mightier.
5. Charo kept showing up.
6. The Beast from “Beauty and the Beast” kept eating the midnight buffet.
7. The Seven Dwarfs vandalized the ship after failing to meet the “You Must Be This Tall to Ride This Ride” Requirements.
8. Stench of seawater and 101 Dalmations was too strong.
9. Tour guide Goofy goes into drunken rampage and uses Chip and Dale as Shuffleboard discs.
10. New hires Doc,Isaac,and Gopher quit days before launch,citing that this job is not as “exciting and new” as their last one.
12 views |
|
6:00 pm