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Related:  Christmas (+1017)      

This guy is on a rooftop about to jump off. His wife has left him, he has lost his job and he owes thousands of pounds to the bank. Just as he finishes his prayers and closes his eyes, ready to jump, Father Christmas taps him on the shoulder.

“Are you OK?” asks Father Christmas.

The man explains why he is so miserable and gets ready to jump. “Stop!” shouts Father Christmas. “I will grant you three wishes on the understanding that you will do me a favor.”

“Would you?” the man replies. “That would be wonderful! Thank you, thank you!”

Father Christmas grants him the three wishes :
1. You shall go home in 1 hour and your wife will be dressed in her sexy underwear, begging for forgiveness and longing for your return, she will have no recollection of her new boyfriend.
2. You shall go into work tomorrow, sit at your desk and continue with your work. Your salary will have increased by 50%. Also, nobody will have any recollection of your sacking.
3. You shall go to your bank and you will be in credit, you will have no outstanding bills.

“Oh thank you, thank you!” says the man. “What is it that I can do for you?”

Father Christmas tells the man to drop his pants and bend over. After a quite brutal rogering, Father Christmas asks the man how old he is.

“Thirty six,” replies the man.

“You’re a bit old to believe in Father Christmas!!” laughs the jolly, fat bastard.

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Related:  Redneck (+1460)      

Best bar pick-up line in Kentucky: “Hey, you don’t sweat much for a fat broad.”

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Related:  Q & A (+15909)      

Q: What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

A: Anyone can roast beef.

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32430)      

Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and said “Oh, look at the deer tracks.”
The other blonde looks and says “Those aren’t deer tracks, those are wolf tracks.”
“No. Those are deer tracks.”
They keep arguing, and arguing, and one half hour later they were both killed by a train.

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32430)      

How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?
They had reservations.

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