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A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, “Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer.”
The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative:
He would inscribe, “Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer.
That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: “That’s Strange”!

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Related:  Redneck (+1460)      

“You remind me of a famous movie star”
“Really, which one?”
“Lassie”

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Related:  Medical (+1839)      

A man who had just undergone a very complicated operation kept complaining about a bump on his head and a terrible headache.

Since his operation had been an intestinal one, there was no earthly reason why he should be complaining of a headache.

Finally his nurse, fearing that the man might be suffering from some post-operative shock, spoke to the doctor about it.

The doctor assured the nurse, “Don’t worry about a thing. He really does have a bump on his head. About halfway through the operation we ran out of anesthetic.”

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Related:  Jewish (+6994)      

A Frenchman, an Italian, and a Jew were discussing how they had dominated their spouses. After the Frenchman, and the Italian finished their bragging, they turned to the Jew and asked, “How about you?”
“Last night, I had her crawling to me on her hands and knees”
Impressed they asked,”How did you do that?”
“Vell, I vaw hiding under the bed and she crawled over and said “Come out and fight like a man, youputz”

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Related:  Jewish (+6994)      

I’m a senior citizen

* I’m the life and soul of the party – even if it lasts until 8 pm.
* I’m very good at opening childproof caps – with a hammer.
* I’m usually interested in going home – before I get to where I was going.
* I’m awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.
* I’m smiling all the time – because I can’t hear a thing you’re saying.
* I’m very good at telling stories – over and over and over and over.
* I’m aware that other people’s grandchildren are not as cute as mine are.
* I’m not grouchy – I just don’t like traffic, queuing, crowds, loud music, unruly kids, barking dogs, and a few other things I can’t remember.
* I’m sure that everything I can’t find is in a secure place.
* I’m wrinkled, saggy, lumpy – and that’s just my right leg.
* I’m having trouble remembering simple words like . . .like…

I’m a SENIOR CITIZEN and I think I’m having the time of my life. If I could remember who sent this to me, I would send it to others. Have I already sent this to you?

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